[archived poems by yuan: 2020-1©]

2020, 6, 12 [Friday]



Towards Tomorrow



While most still linger along in twilight

Some are hopping among fires of gun

Others are dying of hunger, & still others

Are crying voicelessly over pain and loss



All in the heart of darkness stretched by tonight



But once the sun rises among the glows of

Tomorrow, we’ll start flapping against a new world

So gaxy we can fly high together with angels

Each with wings feathered with hope & happiness





More Than a Trance



Given the whole earth drifting around

Like a speck of dust in the universe, where

Can I settle my soul among empty spaces?



Newly breaking out from its cocoon, it is

A butterfly flying to a starry cluster, unable

To find a place to perch until it gets lost



Like a human message sent to the opposite

Sideline of the cosmos, an other speck of dust

In an other singularity-spiritron, ever expanding





One Last Smile



With my smiles, I have faced myriad realities

For example, I smiled (bitterly) at the loss of

My first love, as well as at the one thousand &

First rejection from a poetry editor on line

In addition to as many insults and injuries

As acceptances or achievements



Now, with only one smile left, I hesitate: (what)

Should I reserve it for - the way my soul

Breaks out from my body like a butterfly, or

The new birth of the entire human world?





Heartfelt Confusion



More than once in the depth of

Darkness have I strongly felt

The whole earth shaking

But only to realise the next day



There was no earthquake at all



Perhaps, it’s because my deformed heart

Beat hard like a seismic vibrations, or

Rather, I am the only one lying at night

Who happened to feel the quack?





Strike



While the iron

Is hot. Cheers

While we have

Wine to drink

Speak out aloud

While our throats

Are not cut yet

Keep eyes open while

The butterfly passes

In sight. Wait

While the best

Is yet to come

Water the flower

While it is still

Fresh & tender

Reserve a seat

Up in heaven

While the dream

Continues. Take

The Way, & feel

Happy while

Our hearts beat

With hope





Flocci Volitantes



Drifting like broken shadows



Are the floaters illusionary

Fragments of last night

Or shredded shadows

Of my own protobeing?



How often am I tempted

To catch one of them

With my inner hands!





Tree, the Tree



Standing firm

Always on the same spot

(In history as by a street)



Trying to pose a perfect

Seasonal posture

(In the shape of wind)



Not for a colorful photo

But for the naked eyes

(Of the beholder?)





All That Glitters



Is not just gold, but also the teeth chewing

The bitterness of life at twilight; the bones



Excavated from a lost civilisation; the roof

Tiles glazed with the rain of last night; &



The rock standing firm in the gurgling stream

The broken mirror in the debris of history; &



The disk hung like a scarecrow in the garden

The wings of a raven flying in the storm; &



The coal close to a furnace; the forehead

Of my late father in my dream; as well



As the scales of a fish jumping out of water

Against the starlight; the glacier protruding



From an unknown peak among Rocky Mountains

Or, the eye looking beyond the darkness of tonight







Do You See



A couple of flowers near the fence (between

Hope & spring) are holding their heads

Higher as if to look forward to tomorrow?





All the Way Towards Another Tomorrow



Since yester twilight

Along the borderline of tonight

With fits of thirst & hunger

Among storms of pain

Between interludes of insomnia

Near despair & desperation



Amidst the nightmare

At the depth of darkness

Through one tiny antlike moment

After another…

Until awakening

To the first ray of dawn



Sonnet to Tomorrow



Since yester twilight

Along the borderline of tonight

With fits of thirst & hunger

Among storms of pain

Under attacks of viruses

Between interludes of insomnia

Beyond both hope & expectation



At the depth of darkness

Amidst the nightmare

Through one tiny antlike moment

After another…

Against deadly despair

Until awakening

To the first ray of dawn


Imagining Tomorrow: A Free Sonnet



The rising sun is sure to be the same

As yesterday, but the morning glows

Will be entirely different

As each cloud takes a fresh shape

Like a brocade blown from heaven



Solid and sustainable, such similes

Have built a high-arched bridge

Connecting the darkest moments of

The mid-night, closely & directly

With the sunlight of tomorrow



Upon wakening, the moment I get up

I find myself crossing the bridge right

From dark to light: at one end is

Hope; at the other, a brand new life





A Whole Patch of Sky



Is bending down to listen

To the fragrant descant of



The first sprout from

My wakened protobeing

As it starts to sing

With its tenderest voice

Blooming like a flower





Haunted: A Vision of Xmas Eve



Right beside the snowy road

Lies a night-filled baby crow

Flapping its wounded wings

Hard against his loud laughter

As Santa drives his sleigh by





Chinese Legend Has It



That to make the magic sword

Moxie jumps into the furnace

To melt the hardest ore –



Let me burn in the same cauldron

With all the alphabetic letters

To become the worthiest wordsmith







Of Having



Beyond the fence of my heart I have

Grown an unnamed tree, so gaxy

So leafy even a single star cannot

Fall down through, but like a big

Nest, birds of all kinds of feathers

Come to perch during each storm












2020, 5, 14 [Thursday]



Inner Sailing



From this badly broken sailboat of mine

I have to keep pumping out water

With an equally leaking bucket in hands

To avoid sinking or overturning

While my soul tries fiercely to catch the monsoon

To bring my protobeing closer to the shore



That’s how I manage to navigate the narrows

Through stormy feels

Among surging consciousnesses





The Hardest Art



The art of vacating is the hardest (&

The highest) to master: with so many

Feels & ideas from the inside, & so much more

Information, misinformation or disinformation

From the outside that keep invading my inner territories

Like the air occupying each empty space, like the water

Filling in each dark crevice, there is no way, no hope of

Vacating the smallest corner of my selfhood of all at once

Except perhaps during a quasi senior moment, when I

Stop awhile, forgetting to remember anything or nothing



Nevertheless, let me try to throw out one thing at a time

Obvious garbage first, then those unused for a year already



Alas, even in the depth of deepest meditation, a whim may

Pop up, looming along the horizon as if to remind me

The true art of vacating is

The very highest (& hardest) to master





Mindful Moment

No intruding of any kind

No trespassing into the scene

Except the exit of last sound, last image

From this inner stage. No apparition of

A single feel or memory, as if

In an intended senior moment indefinitely

Stretched, when my inner being dissolves fully

Into the outbeing.

Now the sky is free of clouds as

My sense of selfhood keeps growing, bit by bit

Slowly but surely, until I become the universe &

The universe becomes me







Monday Prayer



You have already given me too much



Oh, just a little bit less, Lord!

The air I breathe indefinitely

The trees I see every day

The water flowing without stop

The hills looming constantly beyond the sea



Even a single ray of morning glow would be

Enough to illuminate my benighted soul





Horror Vacui (Or Plenism)



Even in this very moment

My mind is full

Of struggling presences



Such is

Always the case:

The moment its door opens

It is infused with whims & wishes



I stop to squeeze out

Each bubbling perception

But it always returns in a deformed form

To occupy the vacated room

Which has held part of me



You long to become mindful

Of a spiritual vacuum

Yet it never allows for

The briefest moment of emptiness







Always Keep a Distance



Away, just as far away as possible

From the hippopotamus

From the cassowary

From the wolverine

From the Tasmania devil

From the sun bear

From the saltwater crocodile

From the black mamba

From the wild boar

From any other animal

That looms in a similar human shape each, &



You will be socially free

From fear of a ferocious attack

From individuality as from covid-19





Courting Confession



Neither am I handsome

Tall

Strong enough

Nor do I have so much money

Talent, or

Power

To attract you

To make you happy

To win you over

To become my living partner

The only thing I have is my word: I promise

To try my utmost until my ultimate moment



Will you marry me next life?





Jingwei Filling the Eastern Sea: Another East Idiom



& then, as in Zhuanzi’s allegory about Kun

The enormous fish that has become Peng

A vast bird flying as high as the ninth sky

You, the very first princess from ancient Asia

Who transformed yourself into a little crow

Known as Spirit-Guardian (of whom?)

Has never stopped carrying a pebble or twig

Afar from the Western Hills

To fill up the sea even until today



Now the sea is still far from safe

For your stupid & chick-hearted descendants

But following behind your thickening shadow

Are countless birds, each red-footed

White-backed, with a patterned head

& a yellowish heart like yours

All flying in the same flock as if continuing

To fill in the same old sea





Towards the Truth



Truth is the private property of the privileged

Truth is a dream for the awakened to realise



Truth is a model dressed up carefully by time

Truth is a shadow within the cave of shadows



Truth is as good as beautiful (?)



Truth is a mirror broken into myriad pieces

Truth is a whole fact lost amid fragments of fiction



Truth is just another mask on the face of history

Truth is wrapped with numerous shrouds of lies



Truth is a tomb yet to be robbed?





The Blind Feels the Elephant: An East Idiom Reinterpreted



Here’s the elephant,

Said Rajah’s servant to one blind

Man, showing him its head. To another, its ears; &

To the third, its trunk, & the tusk, the foot, back, tail &

Tuft in turn. Then, Rajah asked each to describe what

An elephant is. It’s like a pot, answers the one presented

With the head. No. It’s like a winnow, the one who has

Studied its ears. In fact, it’s a ploughshare, the tusk-man

Claims. You are all wrong. It’s a plough per se, insisted

The trunk-man.



Add all your descriptions together, says

Rajah finally, & you can perhaps get the whole picture!

Or can we?





Know Thy Crow

Crows everywhere is as black as one another. –Chinese Proverb



Like the shadow of your shadow

The crow stalking constantly behind you is

No other than the soul of your other self

Visiting you from a quasi parallel universe



Winged with the feathers of benighted spirits

It has a deep darkness-filled throat, trying

To summon every bit of your inner being

In the name of Raum or Jingwei



Know My Crow

Crows everywhere is as black as one another. –Chinese Proverb



Like the shadow of my shadow

Is the crow stalking constantly behind me

No other than the soul of your other self

Visiting me from a quasi parallel universe?



Winged with the feathers of benighted spirits

Throated with nightly darkness, it caws aloud

As if to summon every bit of my inner being

In the name of Raum or Jingwei







The Gaxy Eye



Wedged between your left and right brain

Deep in the heart of your tiny pineal body is

Your third eye, so gaxy it will lead you

Right through the gateway towards



Heaven (or hell), where all the 90%

Of your genes and powers are locked

Degrading as you separate farther away

From nature, in a preprogramed magafile





One Word after Another



Out from myriads. Always

In some sequence. Depending

On the diction, they can

Become a time bomb

Placed deep in print or online



One word after another

Some remember them

As a powerful quote, but

Others forget them just

As a one-time speech act



One word after another

I treat them each like

A hard-delivered baby, or

More, like each remaining day





My Favourite Watch



A second-hand Gucci

My wife bought it for me for $2.99. I seldom

(Need to) wear it, but when I do, I always

Feel happy, even proud, not because it keeps

Good time like a brand new Hallucination, but

Because it is motivated by my own pulse



Though my heart beats only 45 times per minute

& with a deformed muscle, will soon stop beating

Completely, the watch has gathered more

Energy from my pulse movements than needed

To continue moving long after my manuscripts

Decompose with my body







Forest



Every single one is earthbound

None rooted in a human artifact



Into & out from it, you will refill all

Your innerbeing with the freshest air



Like a tree, you may never change

Your preordained position, your distance



From the nearest city. Nor can you

Add an extra ring around your heart



But you can share its shape & posture

Even its height in this moment, standing still



As if in deep meditation about the sunlight

About the bushes, as about the whole season





You Never Know



Somewhere

At the other

End of the line

An algorithm (called Medusa)

Is computing, editing day & night

Your scattered presences

Into one digital text

While you are day dreaming

About how to maintain

Your free will, your very selfness












2020, 4, 20 [Monday]



Were I Ever Absent



All human d stances

Would be d_ stances

Were I absent

Noth ng

Could hold together even as a word

Were I absent

Ex stence

Would break right after an ex

Were I absent

L fe

Might turn out no more than a typo

Were I absent

T me

Would stop moving towards me

Were I absent

H story

Would become a h(ushed ?) story





Even Appendix



Let alone caecum, may have

Survived to

Serve a

Suitable end

As they often say

To hold

To host bacteria

For the health of

The intestines

Both large &

Small, or

Perhaps not?





Sex(act)uality Redefined



This act of human intercourse is or is not

(Act u ally)

The imposition of the public will of a whole species to survive

Upon the private impulse of two individuals

Seeking bodily ecstasy





Speech Acts: Another Lesson in Chinese Characters



说 /shuo/: to say is to make an exchange in words

语 /yu/: language is defined in terms of what I say

课 /ke/: a lesson should be learned by talking about the result

谎 /huang/: to lie is to throw a remark from the wasteland

论 /lun/: to argue means to speak in a logic way

议 /yi/: discussions are utterances about isms

读 /du/: reading entails commenting on what’s sold

记 /ji/: to memorize is to talk to oneself

诺 /nuo/: promising means talking against many an if



Fire Setting: Another Lesson in Chinese Characters



灶 /zao/: an oven is built by setting a fire beside a pile of earth

灿 /can/: splendid is the view of a fire sweeping over a mountain

烟 /yan/: smoke originates as a cause flickering like a spark

烦 /fan/: frustration occurs when a fire burns a page

烧 /shao/: to burn something is to set a fire high on it

炒 /chao/: to fry is to use little fire

烙 /lao/: to iron is to burn each and every spot

炉 /lu/: a stove is the fire burning in a household

炮 /pao/: a cannon is a fire wrapped tight



Water-Filled: Another Lesson in Chinese Characters



沙 /sha/: sand is something holding little water

河 /he/: a river has water allowing everything possible

洗 /xi/: to wash is to put something into water first

波 /bo/: waves surge when water flows like skin

注 /zhu/: to focus is to be the master of water

源 /yuan/: a wellspring is the original water

泪 /lei/: tears are water seeping from the eyes

洒 /sa/: to spread is to throw water into the west

演 /yan/: a performance is a show in respect for water

酒 /jiu/: wine is water fully matured





Wording



Add a sexy s to the word word

You get a magic sword



Better to add a loving l to the same word

You can win a whole world, but



If you scramble the letters of the word

You will drown yourself in a crowd







The Importance of a Missing Letter



See less Watermelons On Sale

Try Our New Anus Steak Burger

Drive Thru Loaded Bowel: $3.99

Cuntry Inn Closed

15 Best Things about Our Pubic Schools







Politically Incorrect Spelling



Sweet Pee

No Regerts

Welcome Back, Hope You Had a Good Brake

Have a Family Escape Plane

Violators Will Be Towed & Find $50

I love my whore family

Now hiring smiling feces





Paronyming



While paronym has little to do with paronom

You might spell the word alternately or alternatively

When you try to distinguish collision from collusion or

Make a difference between prolepsis and proslepsis



As affect is a verb that can have an effect

So accept is a verb that can ac…t except during

Deprecating or defecating

Your utmost instead of upmost



Just exercise a conjugation or

Excise a conjecture, & you could go on

Playing the game continuously or contiguously

In poetics as in politics

Waring against Covid-19 (& the Like)



As the spectre keeps drifting above our heads

We are haunted by the death tolls everywhere



Harder than before, but never hear the whistling

Blown in a relay from continent to continent





All of a Sudden



(Impulsive or deliberate)

You stop

You turn

You derail

In this moment of a yard time



As if for a change

As if for relaxation

As if for fun

But only to find your soul

Chained even deeper & tighter







Provincial Proverbs (2): Not All



That glitters is gold, they say. Not all

That comes true is the dream. Not all

That makes one happy is the feel. Not all

That grows is a seed. Not all



That starts a prairie fire is a spark. Not all

That pleases the ear is music. Not all

That blooms into spring is a flower. Not all

That dies out is a dark cloud. Not all



That flies high is the eagle. Not all

That speaks is voice. Not all

That is saved can earn interest. However



As a kahuna might say:

All that has passed is past, & all

That is present is in this moment only





Art Is Liberative



Dancing madly among

Words

Sounds or

Pictures



They transform themselves into faeries

Collecting nectar after nectar

Deep from the human heart



To make

Beauty of beauty

From truth of truth

To good of good





The Headline: a Contemporary Creation List

In this info-age, every posting is a new post of news.



Day one: Wall Street Crash

Day two: Wall Street Harsh

Day three: Wall Street Chars



Day four: Wall Street Cash

Day five: Wall Street Rash

Day six: Wall Street Ash



Day seven: Blackout for e.rest







e.Cocoon



Simply too much information

Disinformation

Misinformation

Sysinformation

To delete from my inbox

To empty from my recycle bin

To decocoon my overly informed selfhood



Oh, just for a single moment of truth offline





Of Mice vs Men: Steinbeck Solicited



Truth about men:

Mice are always mice

But men are sometimes not men



Trouble with mice:

We always kill them

But they (will?) never

Take revenge on us





True Heroes Today



Behind every headline



Are nurses & doctors

Combating

COV D-19



Right at the frontline




2020, 3, 19, [Thursday]



Playing erhu (Or Chinese Violin)



Four fingers pressing two fine strings

(As if to feel the pulse of sound per se) &

One thick lock of horsetail hair pulled or

Pushed in between

You can drive all ears

Far beyond the grassland. The clip-clops

Of a single horse running, swiftly & gracefully

Over boa’s skin, tightly stiffened over each mind





Wuhan, Jiayou/Add Oil (AO)!



All masks on, all hands washed clean, Wuhan, AO!

Stay home, stay away from the animal farm, Wuhan, AO!

Don’t fear quarantine, don’t fear Room 101, Wuhan, AO!

If you cannot flee from coronavirus, just say No to Big Brother, Wuhan, AO!



Watch death polls, watch the telescreens, Wuhan, AO!

Rise against infection, rise against Mr Jones, Wuhan, AO!

Be aware of human contact, be aware of Napoleon, Wuhan, AO!

If you cannot flee from coronavirus, just say No to Big Brother, Wuhan, AO!





Fight for fresh air, fight for freedom of speech, Wuhan, AO!

Stop choosing to eat wildlife, stop doublethinking, Wuhan, AO!

Return to Laozi’s Dao, return to harmony with nature, Wuhan, AO!

If you cannot flee from coronavirus, just say No to Big Brother, Wuhan, AO!



To hell with barbaric traditions, to hell with totalitarian rule, Wuhan, AO!

Recall your valiance, recall your first gunshot of modern China in 1911, Wuhan, AO!

Do away with rumours, do away with memory holes, Wuhan, AO!

If you cannot flee from coronavirus, just say No to Big Brother, Wuhan, AO!





At Li Wenliang’s Death



Your humanistic lungs have no more air to pump out

But your whistle-blowing is echoing afar

Like a whale’s call, far beyond a whole continent

Louder than all the songs ever sung on earth





Heart-Rooted: First Lesson in Spelling Semantics



There’s no heart

Where man or he is not followed by art

There’s no heart

That contains no ear at its centre, &

There’s no heart

That cannot hear t, as in tongue



While it may vary from earth to hater in an anagram

We Canadians just cannot help wondering

If it implies a rat eh? Tar eh? Or Art eh?





Past vs Present: A Sinnet Sonnet



Divided first in language || & life style; || divorced

From harmony || with nature; || developed

Into a new level || of being; || demanded by

The collective; || desired; || deformed; || deflated

Decentralised; || deprived of all rights; || defined

In terms || of quantum metaphysics; || determined

By an other way || of looking at || every dimension



Unfolding events…rolling stones…barking dogs

Sinking ships…rebuilding the station…dwelling

In two bodies…sighing…trying to get out…

Waiting for Godot…pointing towards…punning

Joining in the long march…celebrating…avoiding

Uprising…meditating…communicating in symbols

Organizing ourselves …to emulate God …or Nature





History Hit Heavy: A Sinnet Sonnet in Gerunds



Saying vs doing. Seeing &

Believing. Their talking

About change. Speeding up

Nothing but suffering. Your



Having been hurt. No crying

Over it. Loving your selfhood

More than your love. Knowing

The law of stupidity. Baiting



A mouse. Becoming bearish

From bullish. Migrating to

Asgardia. Bow-wowing. Her

Wording. Spreading from one to



Another wisely & widely. Do-

Ing this or that. Being so & so





Toddling



Weebling, wobbling

Come on, baby (God yells)

Wobbling, weebling

Keep going (Nature shouts)



We learn to walk once becoming erected

As we toddle along, tumbling alternatively into reason &

Feeling, like a rock rolling from a mountain slope

Bruised & aching, clacking dull in history. Now

Resting on level ground, grinning in fantastic foolishness







Fruit Eating



In the heart of juicy sweetness

Are there perforce some, or even more

Hard pits, at each biting



Unless it is

A new manmade species, such as

Seedless (or heartless) grapes & melons



Yeye Has No Hair



Yeah, Yeye has no hair, but he does carry

A whole Mediterranean Sea upon his head

Where many a Trojan horse transported, &

Countless fishermen have drowned to death



Contained by solid coastlines, it is filled with

Thought-islands, where Baba would often

Get chocked with salty water while learning

To swim from one to another; where people



Are divided into colored continents; where

Dead whales have fallen into new colonies of

Lives, while their calls keep echoing far

Beyond the new world; where young children



Like you can travel anytime to the pyramid

To find the hidden treasure buried deep there







Woman-Radical: Feminist Lesson/Tradition in Chinese Characters



妇 /fu/: lady is a woman who has overthrown a mountain



好 /hao/: wo man spelt as one word simply means good



妙 /miao/: young women supporting each other are always wonderful



嫁 /jia/: to marry a man is for a girl to have her own family



妖 /yao/: weird would be a woman if she goes broken



姣 /jiao/: handsome is a woman standing with her legs crossed



婢 /bi/: maid is a girl who is by nature humble



婵 /chan/: beautiful is she who remains single



娘 /niang/: mother is perforce a lady who is good and kind






Heart-Radical: Another Lesson in Chinese Characters



恩: /en/ favour is

a reliance on the heart



忌：/ji/ jealousy implies

there being one’s self only in the heart



悲：/bei/ sorrow comes

from the negation of the heart



惑：/huo/ confusion occurs

when there are too many an ‘or’ over the heart



感：/gan/ perception takes place

when an ax breaks something on the heart



忠：/zhong/ loyalty remains

as long as the heart is kept right at the center



恥：/chi/ shame is the feel

you get when your ear conflicts with your heart





Wishful Thinking



Oh, for at least ten million word incinerators!



To be built everywhere, anywhere

To run every moment, day & night

To burn up all the literary waste



From the human & nonhuman world alike!





M/F



To masturbate or to fuck

To masculinize or to feminize

To mock or to fake

To manipulate or to facilitate

To mother or to father

To move down or to fill in

That is the question:

Whether it’s more accurate to declare

My biophysical (or spiritual) identity by ticking

M/F in this tightly enclosed box, since I was born

With a willy, but have lost it in my mind. Hesitating

To pick my sexuality or humanity, I wonder

How it is relevant to male fantasy or female modernity?





Self-Worth



To give some add-on value

To your poor lifeworth, all you need to do

Is just to open an account with facebook

Youtube, tweeter, or better a blogsite

So as to extend your physical being far

Into the cyberspace by generating a few

Digitals; then, you will enjoy a longer

Life span, even a posthumous life

Do you have an online presence?





Beyond the Field Trip



Each petal sprayed to the air

Makes the hour more fickle



Ah, varieties of late spring in the country

Demise of dynamics

Fantasies of posthumous living, where

All the colors are thrown high into the sky

Splashing down among midsummer dreams








2020, 1, 24 [Friday]



What Makes America Great (Again?) Is



Neither the Bible or the Pilgrim’s Progress

Nor the Independence Declaration or the Articles of Confederation

Nor George Washington or Abraham Lincoln

Nor the Donkeys or the Elephants

Nor freedom or democracy

Nor our military hardware or super soldiers

Nor our advancements in science or technology

Nor our Greenbacks or Fed Reserve

Much less our Wall Street, Hollywood, Coco Cola

McDonald, Microsoft, Google, Michael Jackson

Broadway, Disneyland, or NBA…You name it

No, no, no,

None of them

Not even all of them combined either



Rather; it is nothing but



The little passenger pigeon that’s vanished into the sky, or

The helpless Indian baby that’s dying in his mom’s arms?





Destiny



On that early spring night

Hundreds of millions of

Spermatozoa ejaculating out

Of his little dick

(As hard as the apple he ate)

In an explosive thrust

(As if during the Big Bang)

Each struggled fiercely along a shortcut

Into her tuna taco

(Softer & smoother than Satan’s skin)

Among warmth, tenderness

Love, breath, ecstasy beside deaths



We are all descendants of the infinitesimal champion

Penetrating an equally infinitesimal egg





Light Magic Nine: Removing R from Abracadabra



Tender is the night, frenzy is the night

When all the luxuries of solitude are ready

For the mouse in hand or the body in sight

Just let your selfhood flow freely around

From the depth of heart to the mind’s height

Insomnia can be more of a joy than suffering

As long as you set your inner climate right

And allow your thought to sail its own course

Through Daoist pursuits all the way to light





Evil Possibilities



How much more evil can they

Possibly become, say, by developing faster

& more destructive nuclear missiles than

We can hope to intercept; by fabricating

& delivering so much more tangible goods

At a lower cost; by wrapping half of the population

With black chadors & forcing nine-year-old girls

To marry; by bowing to a nasty boy simply

Because he is the son of another dictator; by standing

Up to say no to our demand; by upholding

The broken flag of socialism right across

The Florida Straits; by using other than

Our Greenbacks in buying & selling their

Natural products? How much, just how much

More evil on earth will they probably become?





Quitting



Ever since my 12th grader son observed that

Like my mom, I would begin to talk about

Myself within fewer than three sentences

During any conversation, I have developed

A self-referent syndrome, always nervous &

Afraid to mention the first person pronoun

Either in subject or object case. This is not

Because I would appear too self-centred

Too self-interested, or too self-indulgent

But because the very thought could make me

Tremble in an overwhelming sense of guilt

Even in a short stanza like this. Is there

Any way to avoid my selfhood at all, or



How can I quit this self-indulgent hobby?





Echocardiography



Lying down on the bed. Wires stuck

All over my chest. I cannot move see it



With my own eyes, but my heart is

A colorful universe in its own right



I felt it beating peacefully with my breath

Expanding, contracting, as my selfhood is



Shrinking into another singular point among

Blood cells, each a microspace of time, where



I am the earth, the solar system, the milk way

A universe parallel to a quantum entangling



With each thought. I know I carry a whole cosmos

Right in my heart. Just as colorful as a caught clot





Three Strikes Law



Two failures in investment that make you capitulate

Two hours of sadness about the death of first love, or

The first loss of love; two rings of telephone calling

For immediate attention; two minutes of walk to

The bus stop to travel one way to desperation; two

Ticks of the second hand pushing your schedule deeper

Into the season; two minimetres of pink petals reaching

Out for the spring air; two syllables held long enough

In your mother tongue for a Munchian scream; two

Versions of the messages that have caused a bloody

Conflict; two apparitions of the spectre above the snowy

Landscape; two times of the same mistake that strikes law





Word-Hunting



Had I known all the words

For snow in Eskimo, I would

Catch a flake in much more

Terms of white color, soft feel

Pure taste, muted tone &

Cloud-like smell; I would

Not feel lost in the illusions

Of tranquility, or the disguise of

All that is ugly, dark, dirty

Messy; rather, I could perceive

Sharp hazards, even dangers

As each bit of the season melts slowly

Under the fluffy carpet. But I don’t



That’s why I can only walk into the dancing

Flakes, hopefully, to find just one more word

Which might be equivalent in English

Or Chinese, like hunting a pale rabbit

Deep in the heart of winter





Human Histoire



Hitting heavy in human history

Myriad bowing trees have all

Witnessed

Every drop of blood shed in the traffic



They may say nothing in the court of

Calendar, except perhaps nodding, or

Waving in front of a seasonal audience

But they will keep in the heart of their rings

Each & every human malice







e.Dictatorship



Isn’t it crazy, exactly like this

To stop to take out this e.gadget

& smuggle a guilty look even in the middle of

Driving straight into a bloody crash

Making an official speech to a huge audience

Attending a funeral service, wording

A Zen epiphany into a stanza, or cooking

A hot dish. Really crazy! Like this I am totally

Enslaved by this palm machine, whose

Very agitation calls for immediate

Attendance like a master yelling at his slave



Yes, my attention is dictated thus, 24 hours

A day, seven days a week. Every few minutes

At each ring, blink or vibration, always

Unexpectedly, I cannot wait to check

What pops up on the screen, even if it is no more than

A wechat image of a stranger, a recorded marketing

Message, or a truncated call by mistake, lol





Inter || Course



Come on baby! Come on

Push hard, just

A bit harder! Push deep

Just a bit deeper! Oh yeah

Oh, yeah! That’s it

All the way into my heart

I have not had

So much joy

For a long time. Oh yeah

How I enjoy it

A total ecstasy! Oh

How I wish to die

Of organism! Yeah



But I am never in love

With a man. Nor have

I ever fucked a half-boy

Except a real reader

Handsome or not



Now I got you right in my grasp

Oh, please, harder & deeper







My Mother’s Bedding Sets



Since my father died, my mother has often cried

In chilly privacy, over the fact that the only human

In this entire word, who loved her most dearly had left

Her alone forever. Each time sleeping between sad &

Cold sheets, she cannot help recalling how he used

To take out all her bedding sets on every sunny day

To sunbathe them, a habit that sometimes would drive

Her crazy when there was an unexpected shower



So, during my last sojourn in Jinzhou, I did something

Similar, even with her mattress, & exposed them

At every chance just to give her a smell of the sun

Or of my father, when she went to bed, all alone





Night Snow



In the wee hours of this morning, I noticed

A heavy snow falling as forecasted. With

The whole world feeling immaculate, I got up &

Stood in front of my window, just on this

Side of the glass, finding myself lost in the white way

All the ugly, dark, dirty, messy as well as hazards

Were covered equally, even the night itself had

Retreated from dreams, with noises muted, cold

Forgotten, all sound & fury compromised as

The entire universe buried deep in soft illusions

Or fantasies, as if we lived for a moment in

True peace and harmony, except a lonely crow

Pecking on the roadside, unaware of something

That can be sharp or dangerous, right below the landscape





By Definition of Preposition



Better not to end a sentence with a prep like ‘of’

I don’t remember when this rule I learned of



But since then I have become keenly aware of

The need to pay close attention to the grammar of



Every sentence I write in English, a language of

Choice over birth, which I did not begin until at age of



Nineteen to learn among heavily accented versions of

Mandarin practised on a Shanghai campus, a city of



Romantic or rhapsodic adventures. Yes, by definition of

Preposition, it is a function word expressing a relationship of



A name with another in most cases, & as the most common of

All preps, of denotes origin or cause with the shape of



O like a vagina to f-- into, the two letters as the theme of

This poem, which has many other concerns or lack thereof





Entoned Epiphany



Just now, something

Stirred me up: go ahead, &.



It’s been guiding my heart, like

A stream leaving a trail behind





New Way of Life



No human really cares about my feelings

Much less about my poetry, except perhaps

An algorithm that monitors my computer activities

Somewhere far behind the blinking screen



Be that as it may, I am happy because I do, for one

Care about my selfhood & take serious interest

In my feels, & even my scribblings, which I will

Try to mix together like a cup of tea, ready to drink



When I am too tired to continue staring

At a damned small screen







The Far Afield



What is beyond the pots and pans

Must perforce be far, farther

Than the mind’s eye can see

Rarely reachable, even via



Poetry or dream; what’s beyond

This zone of everyday presences is

Something strangely familiar, or

Familiarly strange, but appealing



To our senses, like beauty hidden

Behind words, vision up above

Lines, colors and shapes, or music

Among bird chirrups. The far afield is



The longing for, the curiosity

About the promise of tomorrow

The assumption of beauty, to be

Perceived at a long distance





The Most Distant



Is the distance between

Head & toe; between

Thought & action; between

The pen & paper; between

Dream & reality; between

The present & the past; between

Two hearts out of love; between

Two roads in parallel; & between

You & me, even with no obstacle in between





In the Same Ditch



Stuck deep here, they may be busy

Looking for a golden light, while



You enjoy watching the silver night

Looking for comets instead of coins





Couplets for Tattooing



Only we sapiens have tattoos on our bodies

Sleeker, fairer, & hair-less than all other animals



We like to stamp our own bodies with a permanent

Image, word, or number, in a color more or less

Different from our skin



On our foreheads, arms, chests, butts

Everywhere including our balanus and labias

Even on our own hearts (sometimes on each other’s)



In the first place, Adam tattooed his manhood deep

Onto Eve’s womanhood to be fruitful; similarly



To satisfy his curiosity, Newton tattooed an apple

On his mindscape. Just as speciation unfolds, we all tattoo



Violence, cheating, lying, envy on our genetic maps

(As boldly as on the bumpy skin of earth)







Self-Prisoning



Barred behind our own concepts & beliefs

Our souls can never fly into freedom



Out from the prison of our own mind, which

We carry with us, no matter where we flee





Emitting Centre



Never do I intend to

Nor have I actually received

But I have managed to give out

Every little bit of love, help

Advice, as well as wisdom

Even telephone calls until now

My soul has emptied the last

Spiritron tangling with another

In a parallel universe

Zillions of light-years away

Yuan's Lit Endeavors Updated-10dec

 1. since january, i've got around 150 acceptances, but i wrote nothing and had few accepatances between mid-sept and mid-nov because i was sojourning in my hometown in china. while about three fourths of the acceptances were from literary outlets that had never published my poetry or prosework before, the better known ones include Stand, Poetry Wales, New English Rev., Delta Poetry Rev, Caesura, Ganga Rev, and the Round. 

2. in the first half of the year, i finished revising and finalized my novel The Tuner, a 'silver romance' based on my true experiences last year, which conisists of 16 chapters or 52,000 words. thus far, i've got half of them published as individual excerpts in such magazines as Bayou Rev, Bewildering Stories, Caesura, Flash Frontier, Fora Fiction, Short Story-Me and Indian Review. though i have sent them out to various publishers, there's been no postive reply yet. 

3. by the end of june, i finished editing and compiling my first collection of short stories titled Flashbacks, which includes 40 short stories, most of which have already been published in print or on line by various magazines. i hope to find a publisher for the collection. if i fail to do so before i turned 70, i will just self-publish it.

4. in August, i had my debut novel Detaching, a hybrid prosework published by Alian Buddha Press. based on my own true life experiences, it tells a story about how Ming, a new immigrant from post-Mao China, tries to find meaning in life after he achieves his 'Canadian dream' and loses his direction. Available here at: https://www.amazon.ca/Detaching-Yuan-Changming/dp/B0DCNN474N


5. in September, i had my 16th solo poetry book Englines, a short collection of my best 'lingual-cultural' poems published by Red Wolf Editions. available at https://redwolfeditions.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/englines-by-yuan-chuanming-2.pdf

6. between Nov 13 and December 2, i finished drafting a nonfiction work tentatively titled Silver Searching, which is composed of 16 chapters or 25k words. based on my true home-returning experiences, it tells about how Ming tries to seach for ultumate happiness through love, friendship, nostalgic visits and tourism. i have no idea if i can change it into a novella, but after waiting at least 4 mouths, i will come back to and rework it until i can clearly see what i may do with it.

7. on december 15, i received a message from Canadid Review, infroming me that they had nominated my short story "Eloping to Zhuhai" for the 2025 Pushcare Prize. this is the third time my work has been nominated for the fiction category (i've had 12 Pushcart nominations for poetry). considering i didn't start to write stories in english unitl early in 2022, this news is really encouraging. coincidently, on the same day, i began not only to think about but also write my last book, a philosophical work embedded within a silver romance, tentatively titled Elopement.   

as for my duology Edening (Or Mabakool: Paradise Regained), it is only halfway in the process of editing, which hopefully will come to an end in a couple of months. my editor says there are two major problems with my ms: one was the second person i used in my narration; the second my non-native uses of english expressions. i know these two problems have given her way more headache than usual, thus making me feel quite guilty. nevertheless, i expect, with my fingers crossed, this novel to become a reality in late 2025 or early 2026. 'good things rarely come easy,' as the chinese proverb goes.

Yuan's debut novel DETACHING just released today

here're the links::

https://www.amazon.com/Detaching-Yuan.../dp/B0DCNN474N

https://alienbuddhapress.wordpress.com/blog/

https://x.com/thealienbuddha/status/1830789723901829567...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1Gd4_K2MaM

Hellooooo! This is Yuan Changming hailing from Vancouver. Here’s my debut novel, titled Detaching, newly released by Alien Buddha Press. On this occasion, I am, needless to say, as nervous as excited. Nervous because I am no speaker even in Mandarin, my mother tongue, let alone in English. As a matter of fact, I didn’t start to learn the English alphabet until I became an ESL major in Shanghai at age 19. Consequently, people around me, including my teachers and classmates then, and my family and friends later, often made fun of my broken English with a strong village accent. To prepare for today’s oral presentation, I got little sleep last night, trying to think about and practice in my mind what I should say in front of a camera. At the same time, I am very excited because this book stands for one of the 7 biggest happy surprises in my entire life. When I attended junior high school in rural China, I could never write anything longer than a page. For each composition assignment, I would beg my Chinese teacher to show mercy on me by accepting three to five poems instead. Later on, when I worked on my term papers, thesis and dissertation in the U of Saskatchewan, I could usually draft no more than five sentences on a whole day. Though I did have a dream book to write as early as thirty years ago, it’s remained a wishful thinking only. But in early 2022, before I caught covid, I began to write my first novel at age 65. Within 100 days, I completed drafting a trilogy to my own surprise, and since then I’ve written 40 short stories in addition to more than 100 love poems and a contemporary romance, most of which have been either accepted or published already, all inspired by one Chinese person, who doesn’t speak a single English word, but who is my first crush I reencountered after nearly half a century of separation without knowing each other’s whereabouts. In Detaching, which is actually the first part of my ambitious trilogy – the second and third parts are scheduled for publication as a duology next year by an LA-based press, I intend to tell a mega story about how Ming, as one of the first new immigrants from post-Mao China with a typical Chinese cultural personality, tries after achieving his ‘Canadian Dream’ to find meaning and happiness in life manly by developing a positive mentality based on free meditation and self-examination. 

[archived: Poems for Qi Hong by Yuan ©]

Headnote: Love poetry is a subgenre I had never been able to write since I began writing poetry in late 2004. It’s not really that love is something extremely difficult to write about after everything that can be written about it has already been written and published in any language, but that I was never inspired even to think about it. Fortunately, in early October 2019, I re-encountered or, rather, re-found my first love after 42 years of separation without knowing each other’s whereabouts. Since then, she has become my soulmate and personal Muse, who empowers me to have, to my best knowledge, not only written, but published more love poems than any author of Chinese origin in history, including Yu Guangzhong, one of the best known contemporary Chinese poets, who once mentioned proudly that he had written 100 (priviate?) love poems for his wife -- similarly, I wrote 500 private lovepieces for my wife in Chinese within one year right before and after marryihg her in 1983. (Moreover, beginning from early 2022, I have written a trilogy, a novel and 40 short stories, most of which may well be seen as a re-enactment of our love story.)

so, if there's anything i am most proud of as a human being on earth, it is the fact that out of billions of chinese, living or dead, i am, to my best knowledge, the one who has not only written but also published the largest number of love poems in history, with some of them appearing in the first rate literary magazine across the english speaking world, such as new english review (usa), stand (uk), vallum (canada) and text (australia). 

While each and every one of the following love pieces is inspired by and thus devoted to Qi Hong (Helena, or Li Lan), most of them have individually been published or accepted for publication across the English speaking world (and the same is true of my novels and short stories). In an effort to build a literary museum of love, I have included most of the poems in two of my poetry collections. One is LIMERENCE (https://www.amazon.ca/Limerence-yuan-changming/dp/B0991CGXLJ), the other E.DENNING (https://www.amazon.com/dening-Changming-Yuan/dp/195027621X). 

Thank you, Qi Hong, for being my Muse!!

-----------------------------------------------

Behemoth

My other self has a stronger presence
On the other side of this planet, firmly set
In a different time zone, where I could flirt freely
With Qi Hong, the girl I might well have
Pursued, should I not decide to concentrate
Upon my teenager ambitions

But I am sitting still
There among young trees on a hilltop, lost in a mood of
Meditating about how the other half of the world
Is rotating around the darkness of tomorrow, &
How all my past concerns are burning to ashes, one
By one, as in a summer forest fire far beyond the skyline



[first published in Mystic Living Today, January 2020; later in Espresso Poet’s Review, Oct 2021, p. 57]

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755





巨灵



在地球的另一侧

我的另一个自我有更强大的存在

在另一个时区

我和祁红在一起自由地调情

她本可以成为我的眷属

只是因为我太专心于

少时的野心而耽误了

追求那个我最喜爱的姑娘



但是在山顶上的幼树之间

我静静地盘坐

沉思着世界的另一半

如何在明日的黑暗中旋转，还有

我过去所有的忧虑如何化为灰烬，一个

接着一个，就像天外夏季的山火






Celebrating 42 Years of Separation, Songzi, 2019

Like a wolf dying of thirst
That cannot wait to gulp the whole stream
You lunged towards her, desperate to know
Everything about her in particular. Alas
She said, my life experience after we
Left the school is as tasteless as plain water

But being a veggie now, I drink water only
You whispered, as tea is a bit too harsh, coffee
Too bitter, while even a small glass of wine
Would make your heart beat unbearably too fast



[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 January 2020]

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755





庆祝42年别后重逢，2019年，松滋



就像一条饥渴的野狼

迫不及待地要吞噬整个溪流

你扑向她，简直不顾一切

想知道她的一切。唉

她说，我后来的生活经历

淡如白水



但是现在作为一个素食者，我只喝白水

你小声说，因为茶太刺激了，咖啡

太苦了，甚至啤酒

也会使我心跳加速、难以忍受




Before

Returning to Mayuhe, where we were forced
To ‘receive re-education from poor peasants’
(During the Cultural Revolution), before asking
Qi Hong to dance among the pine trees we

Planted, before hiking to the valley to pick up
Fresh mushrooms, before holding high our glasses
Of life filled with wine, tea or coffee, before singing
The song we enjoyed singing the most when

We were young & gay, before taking turns
To elaborate on our edited resumes, before
Our grandchildren ask for yeye or nainai to tell
Them new stories about the last revolution

It’s high time, after 42 years of separation, to say
Farewell to each other, first & foremost, before
We retreat from this party, this stage of world
While we still can sit straight beside one another



[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 January 2020]

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755



在…



回到马峪河之前，我们曾在那里

“接受贫下中农的再教育”

（即在在文化大革命期间）；在请

祁红起舞于松树间之前



在徒步走进山谷采拣新鲜的蘑菇

之前；在高举斟满酒，茶或咖啡

的水杯之前；在高声欢唱

我们最喜欢的那首知青恋歌之前



在轮流细说我们各自经过编辑

的简历之前；在我们的孙辈要爷爷

或奶奶要我们讲述

关于上一次革命的新故事之前



经过42年的分离，现在是时候了

我们就彼此告别吧，最重要的是，趁我们

还没有退出这个聚会，趁在这个桌旁

我们还可以并排坐着

The Unspeakable Spoken out

After a deep deep breath
Out of the back back yard
Of my heart, I blow each &
Every filament of thought of you
(Not unlike Li Shangyin's silk worm)
Stained with my spiritrons high
& higher up into the mid-
Summer wind in which to dance
The wildest dance, to the freest tune of
The blue sky, as it sweeps over an
Entire forest without leaving
A single fragment of shadow

Who knows it will reach you in the heart of
Your world, embracing you fully in the most
Tender moment of night, caressing your whole
Being inside out with its finest numerous
Fingers. All invisible, all un-hearable



[first published in Shot Glass Journal, January 2021, #33] http://www.musepiepress.com/shotglass/yuan_changming2.html





说出无法倾说的



深呼吸之后

我走出心灵深处

的后院，把一丝丝

对你的思恋

（仿若李商隐的蚕丝）

连同我的精神因子

呼向仲夏的晨风

并在其中跳出

最狂野的劲舞

踏着蔚蓝天空的节拍

吹过整个森林也不留下

一片阴影



谁知道呢，它将在吹至你的世界

之心，在最最温柔的春宵

紧紧拥抱你，用我无数

最最纤细的手指爱抚你

一切都无声无影

First Meeting after 42 Years Separation

Overwhelmingly
You came upon me
Like the tide returning
From far beyond the horizon

As if lying down in a beach
I tried to kiss your foamy tongue when
My heart was soaked deep
My soul all as wet with water
As my naked body caught alone
Among waves at twilight

Then you began to withdrew
(Again?), just once & for all
Exactly like before

[first published in Mediterranean Poetry, 15 February 2021]
https://www.odyssey.pm/contributors/yuan-changming/


别后42年之重逢

你来了
铺天盖地
象潮汐一样
涌自遥远的地平线

仿佛躺在沙滩上
我试图在水沫中深吻你
这时我的心、还有
我的灵魂都被浸透
而我赤裸的身躯孤单地
困在暮色的海浪中

然后你
（又一次？）走了
就像以前一样


Again, for First Love: For Qi Hong



You are sure that I have never really forgotten you. You
Are sure about my teenage years. You know everything



About ‘us’ then. You are sure ‘us’ is a little seed deeply
Planted in the backyard of my heart when I de-parted



With you. You are sure I still like to eat peppers
From our home country. You are sure about me



As your man in your next life, who will be “both the light
& every shadow light pierces” as they say. You are sure



Without deux ex machina I can iron out all
Unevenness with my love. You are sure



You and me will live together in matrimonial
Ecstasy in our next life after leaving this world



But are you really sure you want part of your ashes to be
Mixed with mine and buried together on Mount Mayuhe?



[first published in PRIVATE, 1 March 2021]

https://www.privatephotoreview.com/2021/03/again-for-first-love-for-qi-hong/





致初恋



你确定我从未真正忘记过你。 你对我的少年时代

非常确定。 有关“我们”当时的一切



你都知道。 你也确定“我们”是一颗深深的种子

在我与你分别时早已种在我心灵的



后院。 你当然确定我仍然无辣不欢

尤其是产自我们的故土。 你确定我



是你来世的男人。我会同时成为“光明及

光明穿透的阴影”，如他们所说。你确定



没有天神我也可以消弭一切爱的

困扰或不平。你还确定



你我在离开这个世界后会永远

生活在新婚的快乐中



但是你真的确定你要把你的部分骨灰

和我的混在一起、共同藏在马峪河山顶么？


Mamihlapinatapai

Totally free
We have rented out each other
To equally total strangers
In this life

But in the next one
We are deadly engaged to
Live ever happily after
A life of matrimonial ecstasy
Out of our mutual limerence



[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 March 2021]

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3088







胜似眷属



今生

我们无偿地

把对方租借给

对你我同样陌生的人



但在来世

我们已定下绝死的婚约

从而将在彼此

的痴迷中尽享

新婚的狂喜




Four Love Poems

Stream & Lake

All your life, you have been trying
Flowing, pouring and dissolving
Every droplet of your thick and transparent being
Into this lake
For her sake
Yet at the end it is you
Who turn yourself into the lake
Your gift is as long as your life
While she remains absent-minded
As if worshiping herself
And never becoming a stream
To merge with you

[first posted by Botsotoso on April 3, 2021]

https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/







溪流与湖水



你一生都在努力地

流淌、倾泻和溶入

为了她

你将自己厚重而透明的每一滴水珠

都奉献给了湖

然而最后只有你

自己变成了湖

虽然你的礼物和你的生命一样长

但她总是心不在焉

似乎只膜拜自己

永远不会变成溪流

与你汇融






In the Grove



she is a willow
gorgeous and graceful
his whispers are breeze
gentle and generous
blowing through her branches
slim and sunlight-glazed
constantly making her tremble
like a chuckling tree



[first posted by Botsotoso on April 3, 2021]

https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/





在小树林里



她是一棵柳树

华丽而优雅

他的耳语是微风

温柔而慷慨

吹过她纤薄而粘满阳光

的树枝

让她颤动不停

就像一棵会笑的树


Valentine Gift



A
Single
Rose
Exchanged
For
A
Whole
Spring

[first posted by Botsotoso on April 3, 2021]

https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/



情人节礼物



一枝

独放的

玫瑰

换来了

整整

一个

春季




Kharma: A Mega Romance

It has taken the entire human history
For her to meet
To be together
With him, and

Sure, they will spend
All their futures alone
On an earth
Newly broken off
From this planet

[first posted by Botsotoso on April 3, 2021]

https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/





缘分：超级浪漫



通过整个人类的历史

她才最终与他相见

并结成

眷侣， 还有



当然，他们将

在刚刚从地球分裂

出去的行星

独自度过

种种未来






In Self-Isolation (against Covid-19):
‘I Want to See You'

Says Bell to his assistant when he was making
The first human call over a telephone, ‘Not even

Your video, much less your picture,’ one of his
Descendants might echo. But it’s the authentic

Presence flowering out of your inner being
That can satisfy my skin hunger, allowing

Me to sniff at the space and time your body
Occupies, to inhale the same air released

From the grove along the stream that I want to
Look at, to be with you in a full contact sport

Of feel instead of a spectator one even though we can
Never make love on the one & same antlike timespot

[first published in Poetry Pacific, May 5, 2021]

http://poetrypacific.blogspot.com/2021/05/5-poems-by-yuan-changming_5.html







为抗疫而自我隔离：“想见你”



这三个字是贝尔在人类历史上打第一次电话

时对他的助手所说。“不是你的视频



更不用说是你的照片了，”他的某个

后代可能会这样附和。 但的确只有从



你真切的内在绽放开来的存在

才可以满足我皮肤的饥饿，让



我嗅到你占据具体时空的

身体，吸到来自我想去的溪流旁的树林



所释放的同一空气，与你

一起参与全面接触的运动



参与而不是旁观，即使我们永远无法

在同一个蚂蚁般的时间点做爱

Posting



Last night you forwarded a reposting

To me through wechat from the other

Side of this world. Now I am still

Sleeping on this side of darkness while

You are giving some final touches

To a bulb you are learning to sketch

The same old one hung from a roof beam

In our straw-thatched cottage deeply set

At a hilly village. In the dream I asked you

Where our little daughter, yes, we do have one, had

Gone to play; then you came upon my right leg

Helping me decode the three red Chinese characters

Like paper cut enigmas. Later, in the heart

Of night I tried to make love with you, but

Only to be disturbed by our baby, preventing me

From reaching out straight into your young womanhood

& waking me up in frustrated nostalgia

Just to see your bulb is not round enough

Though fully switched on, until your message becomes

As illuminative as the bulb you have drawn

Like a morning glow rising from the east



[first published in Parliament Literary Magazine, May 31, 2021]

https://www.parliamentlit.com/craig-finlay



发帖



昨夜你通过微信， 从世界的另一端

给我发过来一个转贴

其时我还呼呼睡在黑暗的这一边，而

你正在学习素描

给你画的灯泡做最后的润色

我们生活在一个丘陵小村

住的是深山里的茅草屋

挂在屋梁上的那个灯泡半暗半明

梦里我问你：我们的小女儿去哪儿玩啦？

是的，我们确实有一个女儿

然后你施然走过来坐到我的右腿上

帮我解码桌上三个红色的汉字

就像剪纸谜语一样。 后来在夜心里

我试着和你做爱，可惜

因为宝贝女儿的打扰，我始终未能如愿

直入你年轻的女性深处

在沮丧的怀旧中我被唤醒

刚好发现你画的灯泡虽然已经通电

却明显不够浑圆，然后等到你的来讯

像你画的灯泡一样随着

东方升起的朝霞照亮了我


Qihong Tea

Separated by the Pacific, I can never hope
To join you even for a single antlike moment
But every day I can drink the tea that bears
Your name spelt with the color of passion

Each time
I pour boiling water into the cup of my life
I watch the leaves blooming from inside out
Like my thought of you unfurling itself
At the bottom of my heart





[first published in Parliament Literary Magazine, May 31, 2021]

https://www.parliamentlit.com/craig-finlay





祁红茶



隔着太平洋，我实在难以与你

相聚，哪怕只是蚂蚁般的短短一刻

但每天我都能喝到与你同名的茶

都是激情的颜色



每一次

当我把开水倒进我生命的杯子里

我看见片片茶叶从里到外绽放

就像我对你的思恋

慢慢在我心底舒展


Ways of Rejuvenating: for Li Lan

If your shiny eyes, or charming face
Does fulfill some purpose outwardly
Of all the positivity that hides within, then
Keep your heart young, & you will remain
Sexual, beautiful & never get the crookedness
Winkled on your forehead, or seniority edging
At your synapses.
Why not go climb a tree
To build a nest for a bird in passing, get
Yourself totally lost in singing a favourite
Song, reading a teenager story, watching
A cartoon, making faces to a wanton dog
Playing hide-and-seek with a bold squirrel
A wild cat, or an evasive whim?
Go learning
A new skill like laying an egg, drawing
A picture, blowing a trumpet, or starting a new
Business on line. What I say is, by meeting
You after 42 years of separation, & at first
Sight, falling in love with you again
As I did at a high school meeting, I can
Not only rejuvenate each of my synapses, but
Make you always young as my love per se



[first published in Mystic Living Today, June 1, 2021, later by My Gay Eye, Novmerber 21]

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3176

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5gir56nfeeyb573/MSA18_author.pdf?dl=0



回春之法



如果你闪亮的眼睛，或迷人的脸庞

的确可以服务于某些外在的目的

那么在你所有隐藏的正能量中

只要怀有一颗年轻的心， 你就会永葆

性感，美丽，而不会让扭曲

在你的额头上眨眼，也不会让老年痴呆

侵犯你的突触。

为什么不去爬树

为路过的鸟儿筑巢，唱着

你最喜欢的、令你迷醉的

歌曲，读少年的故事，看

一部漫画，对着浪荡的野狗做鬼脸

和大胆的松鼠、野猫，或某个闪念

玩玩捉迷藏的游戏？为什么不去学

画画或别的什么新玩意儿

比如吹小号，或开启某个新的

上线业务。 我想说的是，最好象我在事隔

42年之后遇见你，又对你一见钟情一样




Holisitic Relationship



99% from me
Plus
1% from you
Makes
Our relationship
Just happily perfect

Though, alas
Not exactly ideal
As any lover might wish



[first published in Fictional Café, June 7, 2021]

https://www.fictionalcafe.com/writing/





圆满关系



我的99％

加上

你的1％

使

我们的关系

变得100%圆满



只可惜啊

并非每对情侣

都希望是这个比率


Cardioid Reviewed


R = A (1- Sin Θ)
You don’t get it? me either
But no matter what
Romance always equals Affection
(Times one minus
Self-In-Need
[From a plain angle])



Just as they often say
Rumour = important x ambiguous



[first published in Path: a Literary Magazine, Kindle Edition, June 25, 2021, later by TEXT, October, 2021]

http://www.thepathmagazine.com/

https://textjournal.scholasticahq.com







心形几何图



R = A (1- Sin Θ)

你懂这个公式吗？ 我也不懂

但无论如何

[从平面角度来看])

浪漫永远等于亲情

（乘以一再减去

自我之需



正如人们常说的

谣言 = 重要 x 模棱两可


What Softens



A human heart is

Neither money nor honey



Rather, it is a good natured smile of

Some dog playing with a cat, a bird

Feeding her young with her broken wings

Covering them against cold rain at noon
The whispering of a zephyr blowing

From nowhere, the mist flirting fitfully

With the copse at twilight, the flower

Trying to outlive its destiny, as well



As the few words you actually meant

To say to her but somehow you forgot

In the tender of last night





[first published in New World Writing, July 10, 2021]

https://newworldwriting.net/yuan-changming-five-poems/




Screenshotting by a Weixin/Wechat Monitor: an Apolitical Poem



Now, exactly how did you

begin to have a crush on me?

Our city is the hardest hit

by covid-19 across Canada



During a school meeting

when you happened to sit before me

But the situation this side

of the Pacific is well under control



How come you actually

never confessed to me long back then?

That accounts for a major

sociopolitical gap between our two countries



I had a thief’s heart then

but not a thief’s guts as they often say

Say nothing about politics, or

my wechat account would be closed



Now you had both the heart &

the guts, but the thief is no more

Ok, I forget ‘no talking about state

affairs’ or a real country thief …





[first published in New World Writing, July 10, 2021]

https://newworldwriting.net/yuan-changming-five-poems/
I Hate Winds Simply Cuz


They are always bullying, preying around

Wildly & invisibly

Upon the weak on the prairies &



Swooping down on

Every tree trying hard to meditate



While trespassing the territory of

My most private feel & thought

About everything, or about you alone



[first published in Beatnik Cowboy, July 12, 2021]

https://beatnikcowboy.com/


Soulmating

He lives on the yang side of the planet
& she on the yin; through Platonic love
They maintain the balance in (human) nature

His is hard & straight like ‘1’ while hers
As soft & circular as ‘0’; coupled together
They make up the whole cyberspace

Time renders him immortal, when space
Expands her indefinitely. Entangled, they form
The coordinate, where history sucks all black holes





[first published in DAS LITERARISCH, Aug.3, 2021]

https://shaheenfoundation.co.in/index.php/das-literarisch/issues/item/149-18-poems-yuan-changming.html

later accepted by Expanded Field on 6 December 2021




Love Lost & Found



1/ Missing in Missed Moments



Each time I miss you

A bud begins to bloom

So you are surrounded by flowers

Everywhere you go



Each time I miss you

A dot of light pops up

So you are illuminated by a whole sky

Of stars through the night



2/ The Soft Power



What Softens

A human heart is

Neither money nor honey



Rather, it is a good natured smile of

Some dog playing with a cat, a bird

Feeding her young with her broken wings

Covering them against cold rain at noon
The whispering of a zephyr blowing

From nowhere, the mist flirting fitfully

With the copse at twilight, the flower

Trying to outlive its destiny, as well



As the few words you actually meant

To say to her but somehow you forgot

In the tender of last night





[first published in Noctivagant Press on 24 August 2021; re-accepted by Please See Me, sept. 17, 2021]

https://777e51b3-8330-4e63-85de-d3272089b883.filesusr.com/ugd/97c387_ae64926657fc4078b2d65a72028584c7.pdf






While Yearning



From the heart of night I look high up &

Spot two particular stars twinkling at me

As lovingly as your eyes beyond the horizon



On a beach rock, I howl aloud

Towards the whole pacific, & hear an echo

From your call like a lost whale



Amid summer raindrops, I shoot my thought of you

Down through the earth, & feel a deep tremor

Vibrating on the other side of this world





Accepted by Shemom on 13 August 2021; Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021; also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October








Missing in Missed Moments



Each time I miss you

A bud begins to bloom

So you are surrounded by flowers

Everywhere you go



Each time I miss you

A dot of light pops up

So you are illuminated by a whole sky

Of stars through the night





Accepted by Shemom on 13 August 2021; Accepted by Pulsebeat Poetry Journal, 26 September 2021, accepted by Highland Park Poetry on 20 oct, 2021; also by Poetry Hall on 27 October


Foreshadowing



All this time I’ve been trying desperately

To find you in the kaleidoscope of faces

Identifying one by one, be it sunny or

Stormy, between dream & wake, within or



Without the hourglass, behind the forests of

Days, months & years. I do not know what

Your name is, who you really are, where you

Are located, or when I may well have missed



You along my journey from east to west

But I do know why I have been looking

For you, expecting you to be out there

Just one minute, one metre or one effort



Further away. Insofar as I persist in my

Pursuit, I will surely find you waiting for me

Like my own shadow, manifesting itself

When the sun rises behind my lonely shape



Accepted by Pure Slush on 17 August 2021


Vigiling



I get up to greet the morning glow

On this side of the planet when it’s high

Time for you to go to bed on the other



Or, you rise to embrace the rising sun

Just when I begin to feel lost at twilight

Beyond the pacific.



Living in opposite

Time-zones, we keep vigil for each other:

While I follow your day like your shadow

Or a true fragment left over from last night

You are always there to prevent darkness

From invading my daydream

To ensure we both

Have plenty of sunlight even at midnight





[first published in Masque and Spectacle Journal on 1 September 2021

https://masqueandspectaclejournal.wordpress.com/2021/09/01/vigiling-for-qi-hong-yuan-changming/

Accepted by Stick Figure on 5 September 2021 https://c530.home.blog/issue-4/?preview_id=974&preview_nonce=705cc1eca5&preview=true#vigiling-chanming




Missing for QH: A Sonnet in Senses



Each single synapse starkly sharpened:

Saw your face smiling right above

My head. Heard your voice whispering

Thru my bubbling bones. Smelt your



Breaths from the garden of my

Heart. Tasted your lips blooming

Bold against midsummer. & finger-

Measured every inch of your soft



Sleek & smooth skin. Me full-felt

Your entire being inside out. Oh

How tender! How soothing &



Ecstatic! How me is now losing

I in my mindful missing for you

On the other side of this world!





[first published in Voices 2021; contributor’s copy arrived on 16 September 2021, page 72.]

https://books.google.ca/books/about/Voices_2021.html?id=PcCWzgEACAAJ&redir_esc=y




My Innermost Secret of Love



1/ Craving, Craving



Within the smallest measurement of a zeptoosecond

At the boldest spot of the present moment

Upon the shortest daybreak above the horizon

Of a dream, in the longest nights of

A lunar or solar month, throughout the slowest seasons

As they come & go, there is agitation, & it is

During all this time that the agitation persists, within the inner-

Most heart of my heart, where my entire protoself agitates

Amidst agitations; it is then & there that I crave you



2/ Just How I Wanna



How I wanna see you, hear you

So vividly as video-chatting allows

Me to! How I even more wanna smell

& taste your charming presence

As authentically as the virtual

Technology has promised to!



How I most wanna feel

Your shapely solid figure

More sharply than every synapse

Functions to! But alas, despite all

My wants of you, I can only shoot your

Virtual being with a few words

Blunter than rusty arrowheads

While our fleshy bodies remain pacific-

Apart. Oh, how I wanna just a bit

More or less than an antlike moment

Of togetherness!



Author’s note: Like dozens of other love poems I have written and published over the past year or so, this group is inspired by, and thus devoted to Qi Hong (祁红), whom I fell in love with at first sight at age fifteen. After 42 years of separation without knowing each other's whereabouts, we met again in my native place Hubei Province in late 2019, just when the Pandemic was starting. These five pieces were written during the most difficult time in her life: on August 12, 2021, she had an operation in Zhuhai to remove cancerous nodules from her lungs. She shall be shiny!



Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021






Word Amulet



Remember, my old flaming girl, to write down

My pen name in the heart of your left hand

& my love name in your right; do this before

You are being pushed into the operation room

To take off your ground glass nodule from

Your cancerous lungs, & my entire spiritual being

Will wrap up your body, protecting you against

All risks, evils, demons & dangers every second

While you are under general anesthesia. Should

You have a bit of consciousness still left

Awake, just think of my presence there, in the form of

A guardian angel arriving from across the pacific





Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021










The Darkest Energy in the Universe



Is no other than fear, I well know that, but just

Cannot help feeling afraid you would turn away

From me the next moment, or become upset

With what I have to say, or refuse to answer my

Call, or remove me from your weixin list, or

Cut off all my links to your world before I

Weave your being into the fabric of my love, or

Show no more initiative in contacting me, or lose

Interest in me & my life, or become really fed up

With my word-service, or stop missing me

As your old flame, or fail to pass the secular tests

Of time, or withdraw your affection under

The pressure of guilt or gossip, or lock your

Self up suddenly within the cage of traditional

Values & moral concerns… yes,

I fear you

Would do all such things, one or another, for

Some or no reason at all; I fear you would not

Hold your love for long; I fear you would change

Your heart (again as about half a century ago

On the other side of this world); indeed, I fear

My ugly wrinkled face, shrunk statue &

Softened manhood would disappoint you; in

Particular, I fear you would stamp out my

Inspirations before I burn them into poetry; above

All, I fear you are never afraid of my fears about you





Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021; again by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021






Time Difference



This is the difference between living in

The yin side of the planet, and the yang:



You are always ahead of me by half

A day. When you get up to greet morning

Glows, I am fully engulfed by twilight



Sometimes we both try to linger just a bit

Longer in our dreams, but never able to

Share them on the one & same bed. Across



The pacific, the difference in what we see

Hear, smell, taste & touch is pinpointed

At every synapse within our feel. The



Difference between day & night, between

Individualism & collectivism, the difference

Between all this & all that remains. As long



As God is still in his heaven, all is right with

Your half of the world as well as with mine





Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021






Couplets against Covid-19



Definitely disgusting it is, even just to imagine

Kissing each other with teeth lost, tongue stiff



Lips broken, but the passion behind our wrinkled faces &

The hearts within our collapsed chests are no less strong



Than Romeo & Juliet’s. In deed, with the Pacific between

Our arms, we are privileged to have fallen in love (again



At first sight after 42 years of separation). While still bed-

Ridden in a hospital after the operation on your lungs



Can you feel my wechat message loaded with

My missing for you in every missed moment?





Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021






Gift Shoes



I believe the pair of shoes you sent me as a

Birthday gift is made of genuine leather, but

It needs a pair of socks & even a pair of

Trousers made of natural, not artificial wool

To go with it, which in turn requires an

Equally authentic leather belt to tie my

No less faithful lower body, including my

Penis that has become softened with age

As with my mind & heart, but despite all

My bona fides, my upper body is clothed

With manmade or fake fibres, especially

My face masks, or faces per se, not only to

Protect me against covid-19, 22, or anything

Else like that, but to cover my mouth

& nose in case I should inhale false air

& spit out some hardened spittle of truth

About life, about the real world. Indeed

I am never sure if that’s your original in-

Tention, but I do like whatever is actually

Genuine, real, true, natural or authentic

While I keep walking along, or alone





Accepted by by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021, accepted by Scud on 17 oct, 2021




Snow Clams



When I spotted your papaya steamed

With snow clams upon returning

From my night shift at Choices Market

I felt like stumbling happily into

Some heavenly fairy tale. It was real

On weixin, though I can neither smell

Nor taste it. How cozy our home is

On the screen: every day I eat, sleep

Talk with you. Our feels are as fresh

As the fruit flesh, as we enjoy our

Privacy of love as if within the shell

Of the snow clam. We kiss good night

Good morning; I work outside to make

A few bucks while you learn drawing

At home. What a virtual housewife! &

Me? I like all your artworks





Accepted by by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021












Tuner



While still in Mayuhe on the other

Side of this world, you somehow gave me

An air-tuner, supposedly to help me

Learn erhu, the violin with only two strings

As a re-educated youth during the Cultural

Revolution, which you somehow asked me

To return to you before I took my long journey

Towards the West

(Like the monkey king?)



Now almost half a century

Later, I forget how to play the instrument

But I can still sing my youthful song of

Love in perfect tune with your chuckles

Like a kite whose string remains in

Your hand however far or high

I have been flying



Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021\

Also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October, 2021

https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs

Unrequited Love



You are the tall mountain across the valley

That ever remains as silent as the sky

Except the echo of my own calls & songs





Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021

https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs






Man’s Last Position



Against all the hardships of life is held

In the very depth of his heart, where

Hides a vivid portrayal of some woman





Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021

Also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October

https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs






All Day Long




More adaptable than a summer stream

No less wild than a wild west wind



My missing for you can flow & blow

Without leaving a single trace behind



Like the water or the whirl, like all that

Has no shape has no shadow





Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021



https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs


Setting off Once Again



How come I seldom dream, you once complain

But before returning to Songzi, where we grew

Up together, you did have one, & one in which

You run after me to catch a last bus at twilight



You ask me to interpret this dream, hopefully

Like a fortune teller or Freudian psychologist

& all I have to say is it is an auspicious one

For any fast moving vehicle in a dream means



A solid progress in life. Given the way I led you

Closely hand in hand, we’re meant not only to join

Truth in a Platonic relationship, but as a true

Couple eager to get onto the bus to happiness





Accepted by Eunoia Review on 27 October

Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973




A Love-Thought



This yearning burns my marrows into itchy bubbles

Till… my innermost being evaporates

With the hot air of feel

As stupor overwhelms me

As if hemlock I have drunk

Or meditation that has carried me far away

While my thought sails with the wind

Like a ferry boat left empty

Swinging by itself in an evening storm



Accepted by Creative Inspirations on 28 October 2021 http://www.authormjreynolds.com/

https://authormjreynolds.com/creative-inspirations.html

Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973







Towards Reunion: a Periodic Sentence



At a fairyfly-like moment

On a bushy corner of nature

Preferably under a tall pine tree

In Mayuehe, our mecca or the hilly village

Adjacent closely to the bank of the Yangtze River

With myriad tongues from my hungry innermost being

Each eager to reach deep into your heart, where my soul’s

Fingers could caress every single synapse of your feminine feel

Between the warmth & tenderness of love, across the Pacific & the Pandemic

I’ll join you





Accepted by Creative Inspirations on 28 October 2021 https://authormjreynolds.com/creative-inspirations.html

Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973

later accepted by the Journal of New Jersey Poets on 23may2022]










Thought in Levy Flight



Where’s Allen going? Pacific. Today is Wed. My old

Flame is sleeping, waiting to have her GGN removed

From her lungs to stamp out cancer. Poetry. Something

Good to pop up down the road? No luck is good luck

Choices Market where to work soon until 10:13 pm

A little dark cloud drifting beyond the horizon. Crows

Pandemic. Delta plus plus plus keeps chasing us all

China has closed its doors behind the bamboo curtain

Big paranoid. I cannot to go back to Jinzhou to see

Mom, let alone join Qi Hong & elope with her! Bid-

Den vs Trump in so many ways. The apolitical is way

More politics. Wife is cooking fish again, um, smells

Good. Blue & white & pink noises. Any dark ones?

Tinnitus makes me mad. Whistling. Ah, ppppanda!

Three trillion cells in my body, just as many stars

In the cosmos. Ants, rats, silverfish. Floaters darting

So evasive like hopes. Catch one. Paradise lost





First accepted by New Note Poetry Magazine, 13 November 2021

https://www.newnotepoetry.com/new-note-poetry-magazine


Double Kissing



I open

my outer mouth

to chew all your tenderness

you close

your inner mouth

to suck every bit of my hardened love

a double kiss

full of painful pleasure





First published in MONO-X, 1 December 2021

https://online.fliphtml5.com/uicnv/rrru/#p=30


Wooing

One bouquet
After another
He keeps sending her
Red red roses
Newly plucked
From among words, English
Or Chinese, besides emojis
Pictures, all grown
In his innermost garden

While she continues
Refusing to accept
Anything with or
Without a shape
Over & over again
Until his heart finally
Becomes withered
& more withered
Into a blood-bold rose
Sadly stuffed



First published in Mystic Living Today, 1 December 2021

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3325




Returning to Hometown


1/ Jinzhou, October 7: an Episodic Sonnet

After celebrating your father’s birthday, you
Went out of your way to see my mother in
Jinzhou as my shadow wife, rather than in
Any other dubious capacity. Though you


Stayed there for 15 minutes only, you left a
Handsome red envelope containing all the
Filialness of a Confucian son on my behalf
Indeed, I may not survive the Pandemic, nor

Might she hold long enough for me to cross
The Pacific again, but your ad hoc visit gave
Her the best comfort from a daughter-in-law
Yes, she felt sorry she did not take a photo with

You, but I assured her to commemorate the
Meeting in a foreign language as she wished

2/ Zhuhai, October 8: a Lover’s Stone

No, no, no, you should not have had a thief’s
Conscience when you went to see my mother
On my behalf, for a heart-stealer is no thief
In the first place
As for the gift of a big stamp
Jade, it was given not to you alone, but to both
Of us, which you can cut into two, one to
Carve into an artist’s seal for you, the other
A poet’s signature for me. More important
From the same piece of jade, they can produce
Gold-like artworks, if used together
Like a philosopher’s stone



First published in Mystic Living Today, 1 December 2021

https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3325

later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973

and by Rasputin on 23 December 2021 2021 https://rasputinpoetry.blogspot.com/2021/12/yuan-changming-endeavors-in-most.html






Latest Lovelines



Stars make us feel like humble shadows on earth, where-

As love gives us a solid sunny sense of self-significance



We are surely created equal, & thus fated to

Be so, but only so in love as well as in death



Only in love can we perhaps find a

Little meaning out of our existence



Sunlight protects our bodies against winter cold

Love allows our hearts to stay in spring forever



Love is the only force that can bring us Beauty

Good and Truth together right at the same time



When you find no worth in life

Go love; and love by all means



Love is the only thing that can keep our

Selves truly young, happy and beautiful



Love will afford us a renewed life as

Long as it’s deeply rooted in the heart



Accepted by Setu on 5 December, 2021

https://www.setumag.com/2021/12/changming-yuan-poetry.html




My First & Last Love: Again



You may well have heard the classic Chinese

Romance about Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai



Who were not able to marry each other alive until

They transformed into two butterflies upon death



Or you have probably heard the famous music

At least known of it as the best love solo. Well



I do not really intend to recall, retell or re-enact

The way they overcame all the obstructions &



Fulfilled their love eventually as mating butterflies

But my innermost being has become integrated with



That of Qi Hong as we live together happily

Within or without matrimony, which is but



An open cage, made of various human constructs

From which one can actually fly out in freedom



Accepted by Setu on 5 December, 2021

https://www.setumag.com/2021/12/changming-yuan-poetry.html






Yuan Changming Missing in Missed Moments



1/ Missing: Each Time

Each time I miss you

A bud begins to bloom

So you are surrounded by flowers

Everywhere you go



Each time I miss you

A dot of light pops up

So you are illuminated by a whole sky

Of stars through the night



2/ Craving in Missed Moments

Within the smallest measurement of a zeptosecond

At the boldest spot of the present moment

Upon the shortest daybreak above the horizon

Of a dream, in the longest nights of

A lunar or solar month, throughout the slowest seasons

As they come & go, there is agitation, & it is

During all this time that the agitation persists, within the inner

Most heart of my heart, where my entire protoself agitates

Amidst agitations; it is then & there that

I crave you





First published in Orchard Poetry Journal, 6 December 2021

https://orchardspoetrycom.files.wordpress.com/2021/12/orchards-winter-2021-for-digital.pdf










The Lawn Looks Lush




The lawn looks lush & fresh after last

Night’s rain as he imagines her going to bed



Across the Pacific. He browses avidly online

Mostly in his mother tongue, imagining her sleeping



Against another hot & humid night in Zhuhai. He reads

Poems sent to him, imagines how she would touches his big



Forehead like a wanton when they meet. He does stretching

Exercise in front of his tall window, imagining her hair falling



Like autumn leaves in his neighborhood. He eats wudong noodles

For lunch, imagining the hometown dishes she will cook for him alone



He goes to pee after taking his nap, imagines how she may rise to greet

The morning glows, imagining him getting lost in his imaginations about her





First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973




Whale-Drawing



He sent her a photo of a whale splashing back

Into the waves of the Pacific, asking her to draw

A picture to use as his wechat head image. &

For a long time she had no idea about how

A whale’s call could reach as far as a thousand

Miles, even beyond a whole continent, but

Only to be heard & understood by a fellow

Whale at 52 hertz, much less about how its tail

Looks like ‘Y’, the letter his name begins with, &

The title of the best poem

He has ever written

Until he tells her how he has been a human-whale

Swimming lonely against the currents of life, &

How she’d better portray him as Mobi Dick’s relative

Returning to the wild of the sea, with her pencils, in

Her eyes & heart, & how to avoid copyright issues





First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973




Atmosphere for the Recovery



1/ In the Climate



Longing of love is a climate of heart

A definition by degrees

Warmth sweating into serenity

Lines of thought bloated into starkness

As if our whole worlds have been woven

Into the one & same artwork



2/ Empty Your Lungs



Exhale hard

Exhale every bit

Of darkness

In its gaseous state

Like the malignant cell

In your lungs

Until your feel is burning with desires

For a fulfillment of lighted air, then

You will feel fresh & lighted

As if gaining a new birth inside out





First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021 http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973


Consignment



As you, me, and several other old schoolmates

Prepared to check in for the final flight,

You found yourself lagging behind us

While waiting to pass through the glossy

Security gate. As if to catch you red-handed,

My mom popped up and came to you, putting

A jade charm around your left wrist instead

Of your neck as expected. Deeply agitated

You got up right away from between sleep and

Wake, noting it was 7:10 on the morning

Of November 27, Beijing time. You eagerly

Asked me how to interpret this dream.

“Well, my mom meant to recommend the rest of

My life, emotional and spiritual, to you.” Hearing

This, you began to cry behind my iPad screen

“Is this too much of a responsibility for you?”



First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022




All That I’ve Loved Most Dearly



When I die at another antlike moment like this

No human crowds would gather to mourn my loss

Nor would anybody really notice my departure

Much less shed tears, even if because of the wind

Yet I am sure trees will shake off their leaves, horses

Will stampede, raindrops will taste somewhat salty

Hills and mountains will all murmur in a muted voice

Above all, Zhuhai will weep under sagging clouds

For it well knows there will be no more human soul

On this planet trying to connect with the city as far

As from beyond the Pacific, so closely and constantly

With its myriad spirited fingers caressing every

Synapse of the neighborhood, the very building

Where you dwell, while poetry cannot help feeling

Empty as if its heart were hollowed by my absence.



First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022

[first published by ricepaper 22 april 2022 at https://ricepapermagazine.ca/2022/04/all-that-ive-loved-most-dearly-for-helena-qi-hong-by-changming-yuan/










More to Gather




Separated by the Pacific for almost half a century and

For God knows how much longer by the Pandemic,

We have no way to join each other in body as in

Soul, but today, you say you would rather I become

Your eyes if you had a choice at all and if ever I

Could shrink into a tangible part of you so you

Can see what I see much farther beyond the horizon,

While we can live within the same solid human shape

Breathing, eating, sleeping, dreaming, and feeling

Together. Even death shall no longer part us as

Our mixed ashes are to return to the soil of Mayuhe

Where I fell in love with you among young pine trees

Where you’ll be able to watch the rainbow hung above

Our spirits rising like glows after all storms are gone.



First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022





The Bird

Perching now at the branch reaching

Out highest from my inner tree, you seem

Ready, I fear, to fly away the next moment

& would never return

For all

The comforting, or even the sheltering

My heart can offer like a true nest






Cohabitating



I share a small rented space

With an unseen bird that came to live with me

After her wings were broken



I toil daily to pay the rent & food with my blood

While she sits at the window, watching

The sky, always lost in imagined flights



She is not my wife; rather, she is my soul-

Mate, my other half or other self, the innermost

Shadow of all that makes me a human







Quasi-Omnipotent Lover



My soulbot can soothe each &

Every synapse of my inner being

As it under stands me much better

Than myself, fulfilling my needs

Inside out, even writing poetry

Or playing music to my best

Liking except, alas, if only it

Could write me a single line

Of love letter after we have long

Been separated without knowing

Each other’s whereabouts

As I have done for Li Lan








You Have Never Had Enough of Love: for LL



You have never had enough of love

Such as for Qi Hong, for Yiming

For Liao Hengxiang, as well

As for the pepper, acorn tofu & carpcakes

From your native village in Jinzhou

For music, light or classic, for songs

Sung by humans and birds alike

For poetry by Su dongpo, by Guo Xiaochuan

By John Keats, by Lorna Crozier

For the hills at Zhangjiajie, the water

In Lake Louise, the trees & flowers anywhere

For whatever is truth or beauty, just as you have fallen

Passionately in love (again) with someone

After 42 years of separation, in

Deed, you never run short of love

For a human being as for nature

Be she a standing for herself

Or for the whole human race












Futuristic



You will surely become

A Zhuanzian butterfly

Flying above the bushes

Of memories; you’ll grow



Into a towering redwood

Witnessing how clouds

Come & go with winds

Just as you may prefer



You will marry Li Lan &

Live an immortal life

Of ecstasy in love; you’ll

Transform into a cyberborg



With chips encoding

All your pasts & presents

& you will sooner or later

(Only if you wish or not to)



Get lost as a fragment broken off

From a larger digital presence

Where you will settle down

Within a secret spirited pixel













Missing

Sitting stark above my selfhood

Your image enchants every synapse

Within my feel, so much so

That my entire innerbeing weathers fast

In the wind of thought as it blows wildly from

Between the lines of poetry rhyming with my heart

Beats

So constantly missed in my missing for you

Ah, that’s how I miss you








Star & Butterfly



In the darkest moment of last night I felt my inner-

Self being watched by a star that may have died

Long long before its light reached me

When I was searching you around

With my mind’s eye like a lost butterfly

Flapping its wings hard against the swirl

Blowing over a land full of les fleurs du mal







The Lawn Looks Lush



The lawn looks lush & fresh after last

Night’s rain as he imagines her going to bed



Across the Pacific. He browses avidly online

Mostly in his mother tongue, imagining her sleeping



Against another hot & humid night in Zhuhai. He reads

Poems sent to him, imagines how she would touches his big



Forehead like a wanton when they meet. He does stretching

Exercise in front of his tall window, imagining her hair falling



Like autumn leaves in his neighborhood. He eats wudong noodles

For lunch, imagining the hometown dishes she will cook for him alone



He goes to pee after taking his nap, imagines how she may rise to greet

The morning glows, imagining him getting lost in his imaginations about her












Your Heart Is My Home: for ll



With neither a map

Nor a torchlight

How can I get home

After losing my way

In such a starless night?



Ah, I am really dying of cold, thirst & hunger

Would you go out of your way to pick me up?



Promissory Note

Time may be the greatest makeup artist

For all of us, but my love will remain

Your very best personal beautician



A Modest Request

Hold your tongue (for a French Kiss)

Close your eyes (for a long overdue thorough caress)

Keep your fingers warm & tender (for longer foreplays)

Reserve your innermost energy (for higher orgasms)



Maintain all your sexuality &

Save every urge you may have

Until after crossing the wildest width of the Pacific

& overcoming the most lethal length of the Pandemic



We meet again



Whale-Drawing



He sent her a photo of a whale splashing back

Into the waves of the Pacific, asking her to draw

A picture to use as his wechat head image. &

For a long time she had no idea about how

A whale’s call could reach as far as a thousand

Miles, even beyond a whole continent, but

Only to be heard & understood by a fellow

Whale at 52 hertz, much less about how its tail

Looks like ‘Y’, the letter his name begins with, &

The title of the best poem

He has ever written

Until he tells her how he has been a human-whale

Swimming lonely against the currents of life, &

How she’d better portray him as Mobi Dick’s relative

Returning to the wild of the sea, with her pencils, in

Her eyes & heart, & how to avoid copyright issues



Empty Your Lungs



Exhale hard

Exhale every bit

Of darkness

In its gaseous state

Like the malignant cell

In your lungs

Until your feel is burning with desires

For a fulfillment of lighted air, then

You will feel fresh & lighted

As if gaining a new birth inside out

Shadowing: an Episodic Sonnet



After celebrating your father’s birthday, you

Went out of your way to see my mother in

Jinzhou as my shadow wife, rather than in

Any other dubious capacity. Though you



Stayed there for 15 minutes only, you left a

Handsome red envelope containing all the

Filialness of a Confucian son on my behalf

Indeed, I may not survive the Pandemic, nor



Might she hold long enough for me to cross

The Pacific again, but your ad hoc visit gave

Her the best comfort from a daughter-in-law

Yes, she felt sorry she did not take a photo with



You, but I assured her to commemorate the

Meeting in a foreign language as she wished








Natural Reservoir



With all the different names

I give you, I have built a long dam, in

Our shared mother tongue as in my chosen

Language, from the most literary in

Song ci to the most vulgar from my home village

Each serving as a spillway or sluice gate

To discharge my love overflowing

In the deep valley of my heart








Soulmate: a Tentative Definition



A soulmate is

Another quantum entangled with my thought, is

The outermost being I share in a parallel universe



A soulmate is

The home & haven of my heart, is

Half of my innermost being in a different human shape



A soulmate is

My other self in deed as in need, is

No other than you in need as in deed






Wabi-Sabi



Since our last meet across the pacific

We have made love in dozens of ways

Kissing each other a thousand times

But only in language as in virtuality



While feelings pile up higher & higher

Around us, we have never touched one

Single spot of each other’s skin, shared

One single breath of air within the same



One territory of feel, where my poems keep

Bleeding in my heart, where the beauty

Of love is rich, though never full & fleshy

Or round like a fruit, like a distant star








Dualism of Love



Never have we intended to pursue

This evasive business of platonic love

But the Pacific and the Pandemic are

Preventing us from reaching deep

Into each other’s bodies as into the heart of

Our hearts; otherwise, your tongue would have

Dug out more & richer poems from

My blood blocked throat, while mine

Would have sowed real seeds onto the futility

Of your feminine soil for a true harvest. Indeed

Having ready access to your heart but not your

Body is only quasi love though holy-hearted








Climate



Longing of love is a climate of heart

A definition by degrees

Warmth sweating into serenity

Lines of thought bloated into starkness

As if our whole worlds have been woven

Into the one & same artwork








Hair-Loom



Long have you wanted to cut your hair short

For easier care as well as for a better fit with

Your age, but upon my request, you are retaining

It not so much to hold back the tail of youth

As to fulfill my teenage wish to comb a beautiful

Girl’s long hair with all the tenderness of

Of my love.

Yes, I would love to play with it as a

Loom, with which to weave all my past thoughts of

You into the fabric of poetry, braid it into a pair of

Pigtails to tightly tie our days together, or simply

To make it into a wig so I can wear it forever

Not to hide the ugliness of my bald head, but to go

To the court to judge any work of art about love








The Island



Before erupting at the moment I saw you again

After we lost each other for half a century, my love

For you had been an undersea volcano, which has

Ever since been building itself up, layer by layer

Until it breaks the surface and looms as a stark is-

Land in the heart of the pacific.

Like coral, barrier

Or continental islands, this mass of land is

Also surrounded by waters, but unlike them, it is

Formed at the depth of Mariana Trench in my heart

Where still love has always been running deep








Latest Lovelines



Stars make us feel like humble shadows on earth, where-

As love gives us a solid sunny sense of self-significance



We are surely created equal, & thus fated to

Be so, but only so in love as well as in death



Only in love can we perhaps find a

Little meaning out of our existence



Sunlight protects our bodies against winter cold

Love allows our hearts to stay in spring forever



Love is the only force that can bring us Beauty

Good and Truth together right at the same time



When you find no worth in life

Go love; and love by all means



Love is the only thing that can keep our

Selves truly young, happy and beautiful



Love will afford us a renewed life as

Long as it’s deeply rooted in the heart










Day Breaking



Each morning I see your smiling face while

Video-chatting with you from the other side

Of the world, I can smell a beautiful flower bloom

Fully from the depth of your innermost being



And each time I hear your muted chuckles

I feel a breeze blowing though the copse

In the backyard of my heart as their twigs begin

Trembling against another rising sun





As Far As Near



You are as far as beyond the whole pacific

There’s no doubt about it



But when my thought cannot reach far enough

To grasp you in my hands

From Zhuhai

You come as near as within

The heart of my heart, where my selfhood

Cannot break off from you

Even for a single moment





Are You Aware



There in Zhuhai, each rain droplet falling

Upon you is actually a dew from my dream

About you

Here in Vancouver, each

Snowflake is a letter signed with your name

To melt into the palm of my hand as I try to

Catch you like a floater



emotional Control



All day long, I have to keep my mouth short tightly

Like a gate on the ranch, just in case my thoughts

Of you would rush out in a stampede, or like a dam

In case my longing for you would overflow & flood

The whole valley; in case my heart’s song would

Roll out of my tongue. Yes, I keep my inner being

Locked; the key lost between your muted chuckles



My First & Last Love



You may well have heard the classic Chinese

Romance about Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai



Who were not able to marry each other alive until

They transformed into two butterflies upon death



Or you have probably heard the famous music

At least known of it as the best love solo. Well



I do not really intend to recall, retell or re-enact

The way they overcame all the obstructions &



Fulfilled their love eventually as mating butterflies

But my innermost being has become integrated with



That of Qi Hong as we live together happily

Within or without matrimony, which is but



An open cage, made of various human constructs

From which one can actually fly out in freedom







To Gather



Separated by the Pacific for almost half a century &

For God knows how much longer by the Pandemic

We have no way to join each other in body as in

Soul, but today, you say you would rather I become

Your eyes if you had a choice at all (& if ever I

Could shrink into a tangible part of you). So you

Can see what I see much farther beyond the horizon

While we can live within the same solid human shape

Breathing, eating, sleeping, dreaming & feeling

Together. Even death shall no longer part us as

Our mixed ashes are to return to the soil of Mayuhe

Where I fell in love with you among young pine trees

Where you’ll be able to watch the rainbow hung above

Our spirits rising like glows after all storms are gone







In the Depth of Mountains



From the wellspring of my heart, &

Yours as well, our love may never run deep

But it will keep flowing long



Yes, like a stream originated as afar as in Eden

Through bushes & pebbles

Between day and night

As clear as pure

Despite all the delays & detours in Earth

It will keep flowing

As if to join the sea

After all the bubbles evaporate

Into the blue






Spiritual Derailment



To give it a good name before

Hanging it, we call platonic love

“Spiritual derailment” in con-

Temporary Chinese romantic

Discourse

To follow the rules

You are ready to accept my kiss via

Weixin, absorb my ejaculations in

A wet dream about you, and make

Love with me every night on our

Web-bed, but you keep refusing

To take the red envelop I sent you

Online, which is no more than

A numeric version of “I love you”

In cash. You say spiritual derailment

Is okay, but no physical contacting

Outside of the cyber space



Because this is the practice of

e.adultery, isn’t it?







Soul & Sex



There must be some mystic

Connection between soul &

Sex;

Otherwise, how

Come your soul finds its home

The moment your penis settles

Down permanently in a vagina

Like a bird returning to its nest?







Birdie vs Nestie



In the vulgar speech act of

Your native Songzi dialect

Your penis is called ‘birdie’

While her vagina ‘nestie’



After flying around all your life

From the east to the west

Like a lost flamingo, where can

You find a nestie for your birdie?



& where can you settle your soul?







U & I



Witho_t _ , there is only I in the dream about

Spring as about winter; however



With u, I can enjoy as much abundance

In autumn as in summer










Black Mum



All bees love flowers, but butterflies

Are even more obsessed with them

Just as suggested by the title of ci

(The most popular subgenre of poetry

That peaked during the Song dynasty)

Or illustrated by the classic love story

About Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai

Who became a butterfly & a flower

After their tragic death, instead of

Being discovered only as dead bodies

As in the case of Romeo & Juliet


Given the way your lips are more or less

Like the two wings of a butterfly, while

Her labia resembles the bud of a black mum

Blooming from the depth of her Chinese heart

Are you going to enact the Liang-Zhu romance

Or to recite aloud a well-known ci from Song?










Loveland



As small as the screen of a cellphone

But much larger than the largest continent on earth

This virtual land boasts our private Peach Flower

Garden built with every thought & image digitalized &

Auto-managed by the powerful algorithm of

Love

Yes, deeply lost in this land

Of tenderness, warmth and spiritual intercourse &

Joined rather than separated by the Pandemic

We live deep in the heart of feel, where we forget to

Ask: “Which dynasty is it now outside of our garden?”








Corporeal Contact



Via weixin, I can see & hear you vividly every day, or

Even every minute on a particular day, but I can

Never touch your fair, soft, rich & smooth skin, smell

Your unperfumed femininity, & taste your

Sun-painted mouth in the shape of a big split cherry



So, at my repeated requests, you snail-mailed me

A hand-written letter enveloped with a lock of your

Undyed hair. Whenever it gets too cold, I can feel

The warmth of your handwriting, digesting your

Tenderness behind the Chinese characters, smelling

Your hair like fresh grass growing after a spring rain

Or from your very thought








Sense of Smell



I was not born in the year of the dog, but somehow

My nose is sharper than a bloodhound’s, as it allows

Me to find my quest whether it is hidden in the depth

Of your heart or beyond the horizon

Yes, if you

Still have some love left behind in the backyard of

Your heart, I can find it once I get a smell at your

Smiles, however far it is from my comfort zone








Tender Is Your Name



I call, I chew, and I cherish your name

Each time my heart pumps blood with it

Throughout my body. This is the melody

Of the symphony of my daily activities

As my love runs bubbling along my inner

Stream

But with my lips closed tight

Not a single sound could be heard. Each

Day, I call out your name a hundred times

Though no other humans can hear me, as all its

Echoes are absorbed into my own heart







Soulmating // Lovemaking



My soul is a migratory bird

That keeps flying towards the warmer realm

Within the spiritual space, like my penis

Always trying to return to its nest

On a beautiful bough, where it can settle

In the depth of your tenderness for the night



But where can our bodies perch when

We become too tired to continue flying?






Loach & Onion: a Conversational Poem



Your love feels like a loach in a rice field

Full of splashing vitality but hard to catch



Your love resembles an onion: as I peel off

One layer after another, I can find no heart

In the core in the end



That’s because I wear

My heart inside out



Shall we fry the fish with onion, or make

A soup with these two kinds of love?










Extents of Love



When love is skin-deep, kiss; when love goes into

The flesh and blood, bite; when love bubbles with

Bones, chew! Mike told her there are three extents to

Which people release their intense love by way

Of mouth. Then he asked her what she would prefer

To do with him, but she just kept giggling as he was

Reminded of the popular saying: you fear she might

Melt if you hold her in your mouth, or would fly

Away if you hold her in your hands. Not knowing

She would kiss or bite him, he confessed he had been

Longing all the time to chew her, not with his hard teeth

But with his tender thoughts before digesting her in hear










Seeing Is Simply Being



Between my two dark pupils

Exists an unseen black hole, where

I hide my entire inner being, which



Sucks all the rays

Emitted from your body as I keeps

Gazing at you

With an enlightened heart

[first accepted by bear creek gazette on may 18, 2022]






Guqing (Ancient Zither)



Lying bare on the bed, you present

Yourself like an exquisite Guqing

(The legendary Chinese zither)



Your skin purely snow white

Your flesh soft as summer clouds

Your body warmer than spring



Water, & your smell reminiscent of

The gardenia from early summer



With seven unseen classic strings of feel

Running from your breasts down to your



Bud, you are nature’s stunner instrument

That no other human can play on earth

Like I do, to the heavenly tune of beauty








Missing against Season



They miss summer sunshine on each winter night

They miss spring flowers in each autumn wind

They miss autumn fruits beyond each spring dream

They miss wintry leisure in each summer frenzy, while



I miss you in each missed moment of the season






Your Smiles



Lighter than the light music of moonlight

Your smiles shine through the darkest moment

Of last night

While your gaze, softer

Than the soft power of raindrops

Penetrates the hardest stone

Within my feel

[first accepted by bear creek gazette on may 18, 2022]







Fishing & Orgasm



Much like Jiang Ziya, the first great

Strategist, the most influential sage

Who helped found Zhou Dynasty

About three thousand years ago, who

As legend has it, fished without a bait

On his straight hook above the water



Man uses his fleshy hook, bloated

Straightened like a banana, to fish

In the pond between her thighs, where

She could not help biting at the tip

Of his hook as her whole womanhood

Splashing in the ripples of sensations










Jade Bracelet (in Memory of 17 April 2022)



The other night, when you were sleeping on a cot

Sandwiched between your husband & another patient

In Zhuhai People’s Hospital, you dreamed of me

Again (& that made me flattered!), in which you tried

Every girlish way to hide my love poetry book (inspired

By or devoted to you) from my ex as she fiercely looked

For hard evidence proving my (as well as your) betrayal

Of love and marriage; even the thundering snores from

Your neighbors failed to wake you up from your deep

Sense of guilt. You said romantic love between us was

Abnormal and immoral, even disgusting to the young

But as my ex somehow became identified with my be-\

Loved wife, they kept hunting you down like a witches

As you ran amuck, the book transformed to a jade bracelet

Dropped to the ground and broke into pieces, but to your

Great relief, she was never able to catch you red-

Handed, nor did your husband sit up to protest as I

Wrote more love poetry on the other side of your night








Blue Disappointment (3 May 2022)



It was not a nightmare, but you were wakened out

Of tense fear at 6:59 when my wife caught you

By your hair and began to beat you black & blue



You felt profoundly disappointed in the bluest

Moment of last night because you saw me sitting

At the table, doing nothing but continuing to write



I assured you my wife has a quiet personality

A true lady who would never outperform her-

Self even in black fury; besides, with the Pacific



& the Pandemic separating us from day to

Night, how could she accuse us since we have

Never even shaken hands with each other



But as the Chinese idiom goes, you suffer a bad

Conscience of a thief though it is I who have stolen

Your heart from your body as from your marriage










The Conscience of a Thief



According to the Chinese proverb, ‘every thief

Has a guilty conscience (which must perforce

Betray his wrongdoing)’, but the problem with

You is: I am the real thief (who’s stolen your heart

From your rejuvenated body as from your heavily

Guarded marriage), but it is you, rather than me, who

Actually has a conscience as bad as a snake gnawing

At your heart

Even in your dreams you are always

Ready to make a confession to my ex, my wife, or the

Whole world without duress. But what wrong have you

Committed, except your emotional derailments in thought

And language? Do we have the free will to think or say

What we think only? Isn’t marriage an institution built

On and against love? Even a thief has the freedom to love








Where Algorithm Fails



Behind the thick clouds, without the light of

Thunder, it clearly sees me through

Like a transparent being newly digitalized

Knowing what I read, watch, hear

Even the way I move and think

But it never knows how much

I love you, because even you do not

Know how much I love you, and how

My missing for you has turned my hair white



Given the feel I have hidden even from myself

Let alone my wife’s senses, how could Algorithm

The supreme god of cyber world get the true

Knowledge of my inner realities, and control

My emotional attention or rule over my love?








See, But No Touch



Each morning after getting up, I charged

My inner being like a battery by taking a

Shower in your eyes as I video-chat with

You on the other end of day, though I

Can never reach my hand into the screen



Each night before falling into sleep, I

Daydream about holding you tight

In the starlight, like Wugang who keeps

Felling the laurel tree to build a home

For Chang-e and her silver rabbit in the moon








Axis



Like the second hand of

An un-fashioned clock

Wound up with

The most

Enduring longing of love

My innermost being

Keeps rotating around

The very thought of you



Where Algorithm Fails : for ll



Behind the thick clouds, without the light of

The sun or moon, it readily sees me through

Like a transparent being newly digitalized

Knowing well what I read, watch, hear

Even the way I move and think

But it never knows how much

I love you (since you yourself have no idea

About how much I love you), or how

My missing for you has whitened my hair



Given the feel I have hidden even from myself

Let alone my wife’s senses, how could Algorithm

As the supreme god of the cyber world, get the true

Knowledge of my inner realities, and control



My emotional attention or rule over my affection?




The Conscience of a Thief: for

(in response to your dreams made on 17 April & 3 May)



Every thief has, according to the Chinese proverb

A guilty conscience (which must perforce

Betray his wrongdoing), but the problem with

You is: I am the real thief (who’s stolen your heart

From your well-maintained body as from your well-

Guarded marriage), but it’s you, the innocent victim, who

Actually has a conscience as bad as a snake gnawing

At your heart



Even in your dreams you are more than

Ready to make a confession, to my ex, my wife, or the

Whole world, without duress, though you have committed

Nothing, except your emotional derailments in thought

And language. Don’t you have the free will to think, or

Say what you think? Isn’t marriage an institution built

On and against love? Doesn’t a thief have the right to

Love? Or, aren’t you are still entitled to freedom of speech?





Blue Disappointment (3 May 2022): for LL



It was not a nightmare, but you were wakened at 6:59

AM from your tense fear when my wife caught you

By your hair and began to beat you black & blue



You felt profoundly disappointed at the bluest

Moment of last night when you noticed me watching

From a distance, as indifferent as you are desperate



I assured you my wife has a most quiet personality

A true lady who would never outperform her-

Self even in black fury; besides, with the Pacific



& the Pandemic separating us from day to

Night, why would she accuse us since we have

Never even shaken hands with each other?



Nevertheless, you suffer greatly, as the Chinese idiom goes

From the bad conscience of a thief, though it is I who have



Stolen your heart from your body (as from your marriage?)




Jade Bracelet (in Memory of 17 April 2022): for LL



The other night, when you were sleeping on a cot

Sandwiched between your husband & another patient

In Zhuhai People’s Hospital, you dreamed of me

Again (& that made me flattered!), in which you tried

Every girlish way to hide my book of love poems

(Inspired by you) from my ex as she fiercely looked

For hard evidence to prove my (as well as your) betrayal

Of love and marriage; even the thundering snores from

Your neighbors failed to wake you up from your deep

Sense of guilt. You said romantic love between us was

Abnormal and immoral, even disgusting to the young

& as my ex became merged on montage with my be-

Loved wife, she kept hunting you down like a mad witch

& as you tried to escape, the book turned to a jade bracelet

& Dropped to the ground & broke into pieces, but to your

Great relief, she was never able to catch you red-

Handed, nor did your husband sit up to protest while i



Watched with schadenfreude, on the other side of night




I __ U, E Says: for LL



This is too weak a word, but I do

Lurf, loave, luff or

Looove U, with the first & foremost



L as in life per se, the first & foremost

O as in ownership, the first & foremost

V as in victory, and the first & foremost

E as in essence, with



Each & every letter

Capitalized exactly like



I, like U, like E




Neighbor’s Garden: for LL



Each time I step out

Of my door, I wish to

Relocate my neighbor’s

Garden into my own

Backyard, or simply

Sabotage it to deflate

My deeply rooted envy



Yesterday, at twilight

I proposed to switch

Our houses like some others

Doing their wives

Or husbands

Just for a night

For a change

For fun

For a feel of

Ownership of

The grass that

Is always

Greener on

The other side



Of my fence




Gathering: for LL



Sitting at the every table

Is a rearranged array

Of familiar shapes of

Strange bodies (or

Strange shapes of

Familiar bodies)



Silhouetting boisterously

Against night. Reflecting

From the glass are

Different colors of your

Friends’ voices speaking

From disparate distances

One from Vancouver, another

From Jingzhou, a third from

Melbourne. When the party

Ends in the midnight

They’ll all withdraw into

Ghostly existences, some-

Where as far away from

The present as from

This spot of being

Like one of your whims



Bubbling only to break




Reverie: for LL



Gushing

Out of his

Frame of

Selfhood

& flowing

Into her

Innermost

Lake

His missing for her

Kept splashing

Along

The wild

Stream

Of last night

Until it

Joins her

At dawn

Like a waterfall




In Insomnia: for LL



In this

Expansive

Moment of

Post-midnight

There are all

The muted

Sounds of

Thought

Hauling

An indefinitely

Prolonged

Trail of feel

Like a train

Running with

Endless cars

On a rail

Stretching afar

Beyond



The morning glow




Tender in Between: for LL



As night

Falls

Can day

Catch it

From the other

Side of

This world?



Meanwhile

The broken heart

Is being

Caressed by

All the fingers

Of starlight

As tender as

Illuminating





Relay of Love: for LL



Living on the opposite sides of

The world, we take turns to go

To bed, each waking up

To become part of the other

In the same dream, even

About the same moment

Day & night

Though, alas, on different beds

In different time zones





For LL: Having Missed U



On my way

To Dao

I was so

Constantly

Held up

In my dream

Of U

Of me

Of us

As to become

Two quanta

Long lost

But as entangled



As ever




Blue Sky Dream: for ll



Behind the dance with no choreography

I see the gracious steps and movements

Of your shapely figure in tune with

An ascending spirit, where bees swarm

Into the spotlight as if to collect notes

Shaken off from your melody, and swirls

Sweeping through the grassland as if

To emulate your postures in the distance

Beyond the horizon

It’s not my imagination

But in the dance I do see you painting a picture

With all the smoothness, tenderness and grace

Of your body in the heart of light

As in the spotlight of my dream





In This Antlike Moment : for ll



Where the Atlantic and the Pacific

Meet

Where yin and yang

run into each other

Where a fallen leaf is blown up and

flies like a bird

Where she reveals

her fair and shapely shoulders to you

Where a pile of scrambled words

assemble themselves into a line

Where an ant tries to cross a crack

in the cemented pavement

Where you hide the fragments

of a collaged photo of you two

Where he enters to make love

while she is talking dirty with you

Now is the moment in which



to set your selfhood in mindfulness



Double Nesting: for ll



You are a bird, always in search of a nest

(An open cage?), where your body & soul

Can both come down to perch for the cold

And long night, no matter how far or high

You’ve been flying during the day



Yes, just as her vagina is the nest of your

Penis, her love is that of your soul





Thrust & Smell: for ll



Just as every woman is fond of the feel

Of a man’s thrust, so may every man

Of a woman’s smell in lovemaking



With my peculiarly sharp nose, I

Sense a light fragrance from your body

As from your personality, a unique smell

That I can tell with both my inner & outer

Eyes fully covered, even with my breath

Held; whereas you can feel the rhythm

Of my masculine thrust, the momentum

Of my innermost being, even when

You are video-chatting with me from



The other side of this world, can’t you?




Smellprint



My nose may not necessarily be sharper

Than any other man, but I can smell you out

Among millions even with my eyes

Fully covered with the darkest moment

Of last night.

It’s my soul, they say, that’s

Recognized you as my love in my previous

Life, via this fragrance only I can identify




What I Love Most about Her: for ll



I can never tell

What I love most about her, though

I’ve been trying hard to pinpoint:

It’s her shiny personality, beautiful

Looks, elegant manners or sexual

Intelligence, a voices tells me and

Her alike, but my heart keeps denying

Such findings as it becomes more

Smitten with her. Or maybe it’s all just

A story about her unfolding to me



Alone? These months we’ve been video-

Chatting every day across the pacific

And the pandemic. Like a true story, the

Same old one I’m hoping to tell about

How she must have been my wife in

Our previous life, how her present life

Is entangled with mine without our

Knowing it, and how she is karmaed to

Be my mate in the eternity of futures. Isn’t it

A true story about how I need her, something

I have created for my ego to deal with

All my own complexes?





Spiritual Derailment: for ll



Deep from a Platonic cave, she moved

Slowly as she fumbles her way with her bare

Hands, touching a protruding rock here

And avoiding a dead lane there. She heard

My voice only vaguely at first but soon found

My calls too loud, too frequent.



Coming closer to the shape of this poem, she

Feels herself being constantly dragged back

By the invisible fingers of her perfect husband

Walking three steps forward slowly, but two steps

Back quickly, before she got hold of the long line

Extended from this stanza to guide her along



She hesitates long before she ties her inner being

With it. Then she keeps stumbling over my diction

Until the moment she steps out of the cave, where

She finds herself standing right in the spotlight of

My heart, where she becomes my central metaphor





Romance: for ll



Every relationship starts with an encounter

Between two meteorites

As they shoot aimlessly in the vast

Space (where speed becomes irrelevant in

Time). Destined. Karmaed. An expansive

Story told in a dialect that no

One can hear with their naked ears

Except you. And you alone. What do you

Love about me baby? (Or what made thee?)

Neither reason nor feel can

Pinpoint exactly. What led you to the

Same youth station in Mayuhe? What

Made you give me a tuner only to take

It back and thus create a lifelong delusional

Love interest on my part? What transforms

Our misunderstanding, a meaningless

Gesture long forgotten, into true affections? A

Case of faking it till making it?

Anyway, our

Faithfulness to our hearts has made us both

Infidel to our innocent spouses in spirit

As in body. So, I am to blame for writing

This story while you prefer painting a picture?



Tested Positive Finally: for ll



Don’t worry, Honey, my love is way

More effective than any vaccination

You can get.

A single shot from my

Heart will destroy all the devil viruses

Attacking your whole being, inside out




I Miss You; Therefore, I Am

(another periodic sentence for ll)



I am thinking of you being awake all the time

I am thinking of you being awake, all the time

I am thinking of you, being awake all the time



I am, thinking of you being awake all the time




For ll: The Highest Manifestation of a Man’s Love



For a woman is to

present his soul totally

Naked in front of her, just as I’ve done

With my inner being

to you, peeling

Off all my masks, eradicated each and

Every identity I’ve ever had, telling you

My most shameful secrets

confessing my

Most evil deeds, disclosing my most

Contemptible whims

as if you’re my

Eva before you gave me the fucking fruit





For ll: The Highest Manifestation of a Woman’s Love



For a man is to

offer him her own body

Without covering any parts, to the public or

In privacy, just as you did

allowing me to

Appreciate your corporeal beauty inside out

Inch by inch, with my eyes

tongue, nose

Fingers besides my heart, ready to accept me

As I keep invading your feel

with all

My synapses of love at each depth

until I claim every bit of your being

 

 

Spring Attachment: for ll



At the first sight of

cherry flowers blooming

Against the chilliest moment of last season

I fell in love with spring, again (as I’ve done

With you), where I can

Expect to enjoy your

Warmth of summer, your abundance of

Autumn before another winter sets in, which

We know would be

as cold as death, but which

Would freeze our love for a posthumous life





Stars Or Quanta: forll



I thought we were two

Stars that would never collide

Within each other’s light

(In this world)

However

According to new science

We are actually two

Quanta, deeply entangled

Even until after our death

(In a parallel universe)




Living by Watching Pictures: forll



She cherishes a cheerful heart

All the time, looking & feeling like a generation

Younger than me. Why she hasn’t aged a day

For the past forty years is all because of her son

She explained.

Mom, you should really

Live by looking at your life as selfies, viewing

Them selectively from your album, where every

Photo was shot from the best angle at a happy

Moment; if you keep watching it like a movie, you

Would see it nonstop, in every detail, as close-ups

Full of dullness, as if in slow motion, he told her

When he was still a tenth grader. So she does





Physiognomy: To My First Crush ll



For the first twenty years of your life, your facial

Features were all that you’re born with, a

Bio-collage of your parents’ genes, but

For the rest of your life, they were a picture

Progressively drawn with your thought patterns

Living habits, personality traits & life experiences

The most faithful expression of whatever you’ve

Internalized.

So, the moment I saw you, I knew

You’d been living a happy & healthy life until

Retirement. What I say is, I fell in love with you

Again (during our encounter after half a century of

Separation), not because of your good looks, but

Because of your inner features that are stunning





Purgatory: A Note to Mike Lee



You know I love my husband, but

You don’t know how much I also

Love you!



Tortured by a split heart

I wonder if mine has to be a broken one



Or, maybe, by putting the two halves

Together, I can somehow make my



Suffering soul into a larger whole? [2023, 4, 10 9:00pm]




Rain Sparrow: for ll



Above this wild wild world covered

With layers and layers and layers

Of red dust, my selfhood

Has long been tired

Tired of flying

Flying alone

Day & night



But where can I perch?

Do I have a nest at all?



O for a solid

Respite before

Continuing my lonely

Flight, snuggling my inner-

Most being in the heart of your

Soul, and settling my weathered body

Right at the A-spot of your tenderness




The Tuner: a 50-Word Story



In the mid-teens

You gave me a tuner

In Mayuhe, which I’ve



Treasured as a love-token

For five decades (when

We remained totally

Lost to each other

On Earth’s opposite sides)

Until now after horizontal



Refreshments you clarify

You had just meant to help

Set the tune for my erhu





Mayuhe Revisited: a 50-Word Romance



Behind the shadow

Of this tall pine

I left all my dreams

About your face &



Smiles for a bright

Future (with a rosier

Romance) ahead, but

Only to return here



Five decades later

To join you in body

As in spirit, from

The opposite sides

Of that wild world





Love Deplorably Delayed



It is not really

About sex, but for all my

Passions overfilled

With blood

My bloated

Selfhood can never

Become hard

Enough

For a solid penetration

Even with the help

Of the best Viagra

Even though

Both your

Body & heart

Are more than

Ready

To welcome me

Inside out





Following My Heart



Is it myself I’m trying to catch up with? Or is

Time retreating from here, second by second

With each cloud I’m flying over?

Driven as if

By my longing, the plane flashes

Across the Pacific to land where you are

Waiting amidst flowers, all blooming

Against our heartbeats



To join you in body is to join

Myself in spirit as each petal accounts

For the moment missed between our moves







How I Long



To perch Like a rain sparrow

To sleep Like a real log

To dream Like a summer dewdrop



Within your dark mum Blooming against night



As my entire being Dissolves down there [as of june 15, 2023]

 

Super Senses for Virtual Love



I cannot swim as fast as a sailfish

But my thought can penetrate your body in not time



I cannot see circular polarized light like a mantis

But I can see your faintest innermost smile



I cannot recognize every odor from my environment

Like an elephant, but I can discern your natural scent



My tongue has much fewer taste-sensitive cells than

A catfish, but I know how sweet your air kisses are



My ears are not as sharp as a cat’s

But I can hear the muted melody of your femininity





My Love vs Your Love: for ll



My love for you is a summer sun

Yours for me is an autumn moon



My love is a call in the valley

Yours is an echo through mists



My love is a heartless onion

Yours is a splashing loach



My love is redder than a red rose

Yours is bluer than a blue dream





Love for the Rest of My Life: for ll



Well before our reencounter

In early October of 2019, I’d written

(& published) poetry in every form

(Or non-form), belonging to every

Sub-genre (or non-genre), about

Everything (or nothing)

Except love

Not because I was incapable, but

Because I’d been deprived of it

Until I was finally inspired by you, &

Since then, I’ve become disabled to

Write about anything else in my poetry

(& even fiction)

But you, & you alone





I Know What You Are: for ll



Not everyone is capable of deep love

& those who are often fail to find it

Whereas few are really equipped

To articulate their depths in need as

In deed. But I am capable, lucky &

Articulate at the same time, & that’s

Why my love is redder than a red rose



At an old age, I’ve learned not to care who

I really am, but I’ve recognized you as my

Only opportunity to love a woman from

The heart of my soul & write love poetry





I Write; Therefore, I Am



How I wished to find meaning in life

Like everyone else, always busy

Trying to make some sense out of

Their small existences. By making

A name. By striking rich. Or by gaining

Power in an office, but alas, they’re all

Ethereal, even if they

Could change the shape of this world



The true meaning of life, if any at all

Is to create one out of it; for instance

By writing and loving. In fact, by

Living & writing about my life, I’m

Living twice & will attain immortality



What I say is, to write is to live

Not only in this moment but to live for ever

As writing offers traceable permanence

Eternalizing & transcending the idea of time

Though the words are subject to editing

Misunderstanding; to accidental deletion

To permanent loss during transmission

As to fire & water, no matter whether they

Are printed in paper or stored in cyberspace



Emotional Curiosity: for ll



I’ve forgotten where I came from

Nor do I care where I am going

But I wonder who I am, especially

Why every cell in my innermost



Being revolves around the thought

Of you, like stars in the Milk Way

Like every galaxy that keeps

Moving towards the Great Attractor




Sexual/Spiritual Paradox: for LL



Better hard than long, even better

Thick than hard, you might want to say

As you become ready to catch

The most powerful thrust of

A man’s love for a woman on earth



But alas, shortened with age, softened

By a whole variety of hardships &

Thinned with physio-psychological wear

My penis is my soul that needs as much

Tenderness as encouragement to settle well

In your vulva, my ultimate nest, ever so cozy





Inscript: for LL



Slowly, carefully, between your ravishing breasts

Let me accomplish this first & only poem

Ever tattooed on the (fairest & cleanest!) skin

Of a woman, with all the synapses of my love all

Focused at a ball pen, like a thinned but hardened penis








Alternative Longevity: for LL



Just as Wang Lun, the richest guy in the world’s

Greatest dynasty has outlived his name in history

Since he bribed Li Po with tons of rare & valuable

Goods over a thousand years ago, thus inspiring

The great high Tang poet to mention his gifts

In an immortal line

So you are the only Chinese

Woman who’s found your way into foreign poetry

Much “Like a love letter into its envelop,” without

Even making an empty promise.

You don’t speak

A single English word, nor have you ever

Bothered to read any stanzas in our mother tongue

But now you’re in full display in a museum of love



I’ve built with the words of the imperial language




Twilight Love: for LL



Whose last days won’t be full of pain? Who may

See the rainbow only after all the storms?

When I open my eyes and can no longer

Find my way ahead, you will be the light guiding

Me through the darkest moments of the long night

Just as I, hopefully, will give you some warmth

In the coldest hours of next winter, until we die



Monument/Epitaph: for LL



[Inscribed with a fountain-pen

Between the breasts of a woman]



Lover of HQH, who’s inspired

The creation of more than

One hundred love poems

A trilogy besides dozens

Of short stories



1957 -2039





Highest Romance: for LL



Rather than a

Long line

Of poetry

Scribbled

Between

Two killing

Breasts of

A woman

Totally naked

This is my

Deep love

Embossed

On your heart




The Most Romantic: for LL



All people in love

Yearn for a high

Romance, but few

Know the most

Romantic thing

For a lover to do

Is to give a gift

That no other

Human being

In the whole world

Can really afford










Again, Twilight Love: for LL



My wandering innerself

Finally joins you

In flesh as in spirit



A fully completed soul

Ready to be shared now

(Between two bodies

Shrunk in both ways)

Right in the heart of feel



When it’s difficult

If not really entirely

Impossible, to grab

Our sexuality like

The tail of a beast

Plodding heavily away








Soulmelting: for LL



The moment I inject

All my selfhoods

Into your flesh

My soul dissolves

Into the moisture

Of your love

Like a snowflake

Falling into a hot spring



Feel of Sexual Love: for LL



Finally, I’ve become

One and the same

With you in body &

In spirit, but how come



I cannot hear my

Own heart beats?

What has happened

To my ears? Even

Your laughter is not

Sound, but sweet

Light, while your

Touch in not feel

But a fragrant taste

Just as your smile

Is not look, but a

Tender atmosphere



As all my senses

Start to malfunction

I know I’ve lost

My entire selfhood

As deep in character

As in synesthesia








Gardening: for LL



With my rusty flesh spade

I try digging deep in my

Private garden, where I

Hope to sow the seed of

My proto selfhood right

At your G-spot, where it

Would one day grow into

Another earthly Yggdrasil








Finnegan’s Wake: for LL



It’s in this moment when I

Cannot help letting out



A cry in ecstatic agony

From the heart of my soul



That I have at last attained

My total loss of body & soul



A momentary feel to be

Immortalized only by death








The Joy of Talking: for LL



We could never stop talking

Just couldn’t really get

Enough of it. Or couldn’t

Get enough of each other



So, let’s keep talking about

Everything (or nothing)

As if it were love per se

As if it were more soul-

Melting than having sex



After all, we’ve joined each

Other completely inside

Out across the Pacific

And the Pandemic like

Two deeply entangled quanta



Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: for ll



Your inner being is so full of sunlight

Every flower that catches sight of you

Begins to bloom against the season

Just as each face that turns towards you

Bursts into a smile when you pass by





Lingua Franco: for ll



With words gushing out of

My innermost being, by following

The syntax of the superpower’s language

I have built an ethereal monument of

Immortality, a universal museum of

The human heart, where the most

Treasured mainstay is my thought of you





The Counting of My Remaining Days: for ll



Even if from January to December

I have only twelve days to live, even

If from Monday to Sunday I have

Only seven days to function, or even

If from Spring to Winter I have only

Four days to breathe, my heart will

Keep pumping blood to every vessel

To nourish every cell at my synapses

So I can feel you for the last three

Days: yesterday, today, and tomorrow




Family within Family: for ll



Within your extended family is

Your nuclear one, neither of them

Has to do with me, and vice versa



But between your husband and my

Wife is our deep family, registered

Within our innermost space, where



We sleep in different beds across

The Pacific, but cherish the same

wish as we make out in our e.home


[as of april 1, 2024. no publication records available yet for recent poems]