Headnote: Love poetry is a
subgenre I had never been able to write since I began writing poetry in late
2004. It’s not really that love is something extremely difficult to write about
after everything that can be written about it has already been written and published
in any language, but that I was never inspired even to think about it. Fortunately,
in early October 2019, I re-encountered or, rather, re-found my first love
after 42 years of separation without knowing each other’s whereabouts. Since
then, she has become my soulmate and personal Muse, who empowers me to have, to my best knowledge, not only written, but published more
love poems than any author of Chinese origin in history, including Yu Guangzhong, one
of the best known contemporary Chinese poets, who once mentioned
proudly that he had written 100 (priviate?) love poems for his wife -- similarly, I wrote 500 private lovepieces for my wife in Chinese within one year right before and after marryihg her in 1983. (Moreover,
beginning from early 2022, I have written a trilogy, a novel and 40 short
stories, most of which may well be seen as a re-enactment of our love story.)
so, if there's anything i am most proud of as a human being on earth, it is the fact that out of billions of chinese, living or dead, i am, to my best knowledge, the one who has not only written but also published the largest number of love poems in history, with some of them appearing in the first rate literary magazine across the english speaking world, such as new english review (usa), stand (uk), vallum (canada) and text (australia).
While each and every
one of the following love pieces is inspired by and thus devoted to Qi Hong
(Helena, or Li Lan), most of them have individually been published or accepted
for publication across the English speaking world (and the same is true of my
novels and short stories). In an effort to build a literary museum of love, I
have included most of the poems in two of my poetry collections. One is LIMERENCE (https://www.amazon.ca/Limerence-yuan-changming/dp/B0991CGXLJ),
the other E.DENNING (https://www.amazon.com/dening-Changming-Yuan/dp/195027621X).
Thank you, Qi Hong,
for being my Muse!!
-----------------------------------------------
Behemoth
My other self has a stronger presence
On the other side of this planet, firmly set
In a different time zone, where I could flirt freely
With Qi Hong, the girl I might well have
Pursued, should I not decide to concentrate
Upon my teenager ambitions
But I am sitting still
There among young trees on a hilltop, lost in a mood of
Meditating about how the other half of the world
Is rotating around the darkness of tomorrow, &
How all my past concerns are burning to ashes, one
By one, as in a summer forest fire far beyond the skyline
[first published in Mystic Living Today, January 2020; later in Espresso Poet’s Review, Oct 2021, p. 57]
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755
巨灵
在地球的另一侧
我的另一个自我有更强大的存在
在另一个时区
我和祁红在一起自由地调情
她本可以成为我的眷属
只是因为我太专心于
少时的野心而耽误了
追求那个我最喜爱的姑娘
但是在山顶上的幼树之间
我静静地盘坐
沉思着世界的另一半
如何在明日的黑暗中旋转，还有
我过去所有的忧虑如何化为灰烬，一个
接着一个，就像天外夏季的山火
Celebrating 42 Years of Separation, Songzi, 2019
Like a wolf dying of thirst
That cannot wait to gulp the whole stream
You lunged towards her, desperate to know
Everything about her in particular. Alas
She said, my life experience after we
Left the school is as tasteless as plain water
But being a veggie now, I drink water only
You whispered, as tea is a bit too harsh, coffee
Too bitter, while even a small glass of wine
Would make your heart beat unbearably too fast
[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 January 2020]
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755
庆祝42年别后重逢，2019年，松滋
就像一条饥渴的野狼
迫不及待地要吞噬整个溪流
你扑向她，简直不顾一切
想知道她的一切。唉
她说，我后来的生活经历
淡如白水
但是现在作为一个素食者，我只喝白水
你小声说，因为茶太刺激了，咖啡
太苦了，甚至啤酒
也会使我心跳加速、难以忍受
Before
Returning to Mayuhe, where we were forced
To ‘receive re-education from poor peasants’
(During the Cultural Revolution), before asking
Qi Hong to dance among the pine trees we
Planted, before hiking to the valley to pick up
Fresh mushrooms, before holding high our glasses
Of life filled with wine, tea or coffee, before singing
The song we enjoyed singing the most when
We were young & gay, before taking turns
To elaborate on our edited resumes, before
Our grandchildren ask for yeye or nainai to tell
Them new stories about the last revolution
It’s high time, after 42 years of separation, to say
Farewell to each other, first & foremost, before
We retreat from this party, this stage of world
While we still can sit straight beside one another
[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 January 2020]
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=2755
在…
回到马峪河之前，我们曾在那里
“接受贫下中农的再教育”
（即在在文化大革命期间）；在请
祁红起舞于松树间之前
在徒步走进山谷采拣新鲜的蘑菇
之前；在高举斟满酒，茶或咖啡
的水杯之前；在高声欢唱
我们最喜欢的那首知青恋歌之前
在轮流细说我们各自经过编辑
的简历之前；在我们的孙辈要爷爷
或奶奶要我们讲述
关于上一次革命的新故事之前
经过42年的分离，现在是时候了
我们就彼此告别吧，最重要的是，趁我们
还没有退出这个聚会，趁在这个桌旁
我们还可以并排坐着
The Unspeakable Spoken out
After a deep deep breath
Out of the back back yard
Of my heart, I blow each &
Every filament of thought of you
(Not unlike Li Shangyin's silk worm)
Stained with my spiritrons high
& higher up into the mid-
Summer wind in which to dance
The wildest dance, to the freest tune of
The blue sky, as it sweeps over an
Entire forest without leaving
A single fragment of shadow
Who knows it will reach you in the heart of
Your world, embracing you fully in the most
Tender moment of night, caressing your whole
Being inside out with its finest numerous
Fingers. All invisible, all un-hearable
[first published in Shot Glass Journal, January 2021, #33] http://www.musepiepress.com/shotglass/yuan_changming2.html
说出无法倾说的
深呼吸之后
我走出心灵深处
的后院，把一丝丝
对你的思恋
（仿若李商隐的蚕丝）
连同我的精神因子
呼向仲夏的晨风
并在其中跳出
最狂野的劲舞
踏着蔚蓝天空的节拍
吹过整个森林也不留下
一片阴影
谁知道呢，它将在吹至你的世界
之心，在最最温柔的春宵
紧紧拥抱你，用我无数
最最纤细的手指爱抚你
一切都无声无影
First Meeting after 42 Years Separation
Overwhelmingly
You came upon me
Like the tide returning
From far beyond the horizon
As if lying down in a beach
I tried to kiss your foamy tongue when
My heart was soaked deep
My soul all as wet with water
As my naked body caught alone
Among waves at twilight
Then you began to withdrew
(Again?), just once & for all
Exactly like before
[first published in Mediterranean Poetry, 15 February 2021]
https://www.odyssey.pm/contributors/yuan-changming/
别后42年之重逢
你来了
铺天盖地
象潮汐一样
涌自遥远的地平线
仿佛躺在沙滩上
我试图在水沫中深吻你
这时我的心、还有
我的灵魂都被浸透
而我赤裸的身躯孤单地
困在暮色的海浪中
然后你
（又一次？）走了
就像以前一样
Again, for First Love: For Qi Hong
You are sure that I have never really forgotten you. You
Are sure about my teenage years. You know everything
About ‘us’ then. You are sure ‘us’ is a little seed deeply
Planted in the backyard of my heart when I de-parted
With you. You are sure I still like to eat peppers
From our home country. You are sure about me
As your man in your next life, who will be “both the light
& every shadow light pierces” as they say. You are sure
Without deux ex machina I can iron out all
Unevenness with my love. You are sure
You and me will live together in matrimonial
Ecstasy in our next life after leaving this world
But are you really sure you want part of your ashes to be
Mixed with mine and buried together on Mount Mayuhe?
[first published in PRIVATE, 1 March 2021]
https://www.privatephotoreview.com/2021/03/again-for-first-love-for-qi-hong/ 致初恋
你确定我从未真正忘记过你。 你对我的少年时代
非常确定。 有关“我们”当时的一切
你都知道。 你也确定“我们”是一颗深深的种子
在我与你分别时早已种在我心灵的
后院。 你当然确定我仍然无辣不欢
尤其是产自我们的故土。 你确定我
是你来世的男人。我会同时成为“光明及
光明穿透的阴影”，如他们所说。你确定
没有天神我也可以消弭一切爱的
困扰或不平。你还确定
你我在离开这个世界后会永远
生活在新婚的快乐中
但是你真的确定你要把你的部分骨灰
和我的混在一起、共同藏在马峪河山顶么？
Mamihlapinatapai
Totally free
We have rented out each other
To equally total strangers
In this life
But in the next one
We are deadly engaged to
Live ever happily after
A life of matrimonial ecstasy
Out of our mutual limerence
[first published in Mystic Living Today, 1 March 2021]
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3088
胜似眷属
今生
我们无偿地
把对方租借给
对你我同样陌生的人
但在来世
我们已定下绝死的婚约
从而将在彼此
的痴迷中尽享
新婚的狂喜
Four Love Poems
Stream & Lake
All your life, you have been trying
Flowing, pouring and dissolving
Every droplet of your thick and transparent being
Into this lake
For her sake
Yet at the end it is you
Who turn yourself into the lake
Your gift is as long as your life
While she remains absent-minded
As if worshiping herself
And never becoming a stream
To merge with you
[first posted by Botsotoso on
April 3, 2021]
https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/ 溪流与湖水
你一生都在努力地
流淌、倾泻和溶入
为了她
你将自己厚重而透明的每一滴水珠
都奉献给了湖
然而最后只有你
自己变成了湖
虽然你的礼物和你的生命一样长
但她总是心不在焉
似乎只膜拜自己
永远不会变成溪流
与你汇融
In the Grove
she is a willow
gorgeous and graceful
his whispers are breeze
gentle and generous
blowing through her branches
slim and sunlight-glazed
constantly making her tremble
like a chuckling tree
[first posted by Botsotoso on
April 3, 2021]
https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/ 在小树林里
她是一棵柳树
华丽而优雅
他的耳语是微风
温柔而慷慨
吹过她纤薄而粘满阳光
的树枝
让她颤动不停
就像一棵会笑的树
Valentine Gift
A
Single
Rose
Exchanged
For
A
Whole
Spring
[first posted by Botsotoso on
April 3, 2021]
https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/ 情人节礼物
一枝
独放的
玫瑰
换来了
整整
一个
春季
Kharma: A Mega Romance
It has taken the entire human history
For her to meet
To be together
With him, and
Sure, they will spend
All their futures alone
On an earth
Newly broken off
From this planet
[first posted by Botsotoso on
April 3, 2021]
https://botsotso.org.za/2021/04/four-love-poems-by-yuan-changming/ 缘分：超级浪漫
通过整个人类的历史
她才最终与他相见
并结成
眷侣， 还有
当然，他们将
在刚刚从地球分裂
出去的行星
独自度过
种种未来
In Self-Isolation (against Covid-19):
‘I Want to See You'
Says Bell to his assistant when he was making
The first human call over a telephone, ‘Not even
Your video, much less your picture,’ one of his
Descendants might echo. But it’s the authentic
Presence flowering out of your inner being
That can satisfy my skin hunger, allowing
Me to sniff at the space and time your body
Occupies, to inhale the same air released
From the grove along the stream that I want to
Look at, to be with you in a full contact sport
Of feel instead of a spectator one even though we can
Never make love on the one & same antlike timespot
[first published in Poetry Pacific, May 5, 2021]
http://poetrypacific.blogspot.com/2021/05/5-poems-by-yuan-changming_5.html 为抗疫而自我隔离：“想见你”
这三个字是贝尔在人类历史上打第一次电话
时对他的助手所说。“不是你的视频
更不用说是你的照片了，”他的某个
后代可能会这样附和。 但的确只有从
你真切的内在绽放开来的存在
才可以满足我皮肤的饥饿，让
我嗅到你占据具体时空的
身体，吸到来自我想去的溪流旁的树林
所释放的同一空气，与你
一起参与全面接触的运动
参与而不是旁观，即使我们永远无法
在同一个蚂蚁般的时间点做爱
Posting
Last night you forwarded a reposting
To me through wechat from the other
Side of this world. Now I am still
Sleeping on this side of darkness while
You are giving some final touches
To a bulb you are learning to sketch
The same old one hung from a roof beam
In our straw-thatched cottage deeply set
At a hilly village. In the dream I asked you
Where our little daughter, yes, we do have one, had
Gone to play; then you came upon my right leg
Helping me decode the three red Chinese characters
Like paper cut enigmas. Later, in the heart
Of night I tried to make love with you, but
Only to be disturbed by our baby, preventing me
From reaching out straight into your young womanhood
& waking me up in frustrated nostalgia
Just to see your bulb is not round enough
Though fully switched on, until your message becomes
As illuminative as the bulb you have drawn
Like a morning glow rising from the east
[first published in Parliament Literary Magazine, May 31, 2021]
https://www.parliamentlit.com/craig-finlay 发帖
昨夜你通过微信， 从世界的另一端
给我发过来一个转贴
其时我还呼呼睡在黑暗的这一边，而
你正在学习素描
给你画的灯泡做最后的润色
我们生活在一个丘陵小村
住的是深山里的茅草屋
挂在屋梁上的那个灯泡半暗半明
梦里我问你：我们的小女儿去哪儿玩啦？
是的，我们确实有一个女儿
然后你施然走过来坐到我的右腿上
帮我解码桌上三个红色的汉字
就像剪纸谜语一样。 后来在夜心里
我试着和你做爱，可惜
因为宝贝女儿的打扰，我始终未能如愿
直入你年轻的女性深处
在沮丧的怀旧中我被唤醒
刚好发现你画的灯泡虽然已经通电
却明显不够浑圆，然后等到你的来讯
像你画的灯泡一样随着
东方升起的朝霞照亮了我
Qihong Tea
Separated by the Pacific, I can never hope
To join you even for a single antlike moment
But every day I can drink the tea that bears
Your name spelt with the color of passion
Each time
I pour boiling water into the cup of my life
I watch the leaves blooming from inside out
Like my thought of you unfurling itself
At the bottom of my heart
[first published in Parliament Literary Magazine, May 31, 2021]
https://www.parliamentlit.com/craig-finlay 祁红茶
隔着太平洋，我实在难以与你
相聚，哪怕只是蚂蚁般的短短一刻
但每天我都能喝到与你同名的茶
都是激情的颜色
每一次
当我把开水倒进我生命的杯子里
我看见片片茶叶从里到外绽放
就像我对你的思恋
慢慢在我心底舒展
Ways of Rejuvenating: for Li Lan
If your shiny eyes, or charming face
Does fulfill some purpose outwardly
Of all the positivity that hides within, then
Keep your heart young, & you will remain
Sexual, beautiful & never get the crookedness
Winkled on your forehead, or seniority edging
At your synapses.
Why not go climb a tree
To build a nest for a bird in passing, get
Yourself totally lost in singing a favourite
Song, reading a teenager story, watching
A cartoon, making faces to a wanton dog
Playing hide-and-seek with a bold squirrel
A wild cat, or an evasive whim?
Go learning
A new skill like laying an egg, drawing
A picture, blowing a trumpet, or starting a new
Business on line. What I say is, by meeting
You after 42 years of separation, & at first
Sight, falling in love with you again
As I did at a high school meeting, I can
Not only rejuvenate each of my synapses, but
Make you always young as my love per se
[first published in Mystic Living Today, June 1, 2021, later by My Gay Eye, Novmerber 21]
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3176 https://www.dropbox.com/s/5gir56nfeeyb573/MSA18_author.pdf?dl=0 回春之法
如果你闪亮的眼睛，或迷人的脸庞
的确可以服务于某些外在的目的
那么在你所有隐藏的正能量中
只要怀有一颗年轻的心， 你就会永葆
性感，美丽，而不会让扭曲
在你的额头上眨眼，也不会让老年痴呆
侵犯你的突触。
为什么不去爬树
为路过的鸟儿筑巢，唱着
你最喜欢的、令你迷醉的
歌曲，读少年的故事，看
一部漫画，对着浪荡的野狗做鬼脸
和大胆的松鼠、野猫，或某个闪念
玩玩捉迷藏的游戏？为什么不去学
画画或别的什么新玩意儿
比如吹小号，或开启某个新的
上线业务。 我想说的是，最好象我在事隔
42年之后遇见你，又对你一见钟情一样
Holisitic Relationship
99% from me
Plus
1% from you
Makes
Our relationship
Just happily perfect
Though, alas
Not exactly ideal
As any lover might wish
[first published in Fictional Café, June 7, 2021]
https://www.fictionalcafe.com/writing/ 圆满关系
我的99％
加上
你的1％
使
我们的关系
变得100%圆满
只可惜啊
并非每对情侣
都希望是这个比率
Cardioid Reviewed
R = A (1- Sin Θ)
You don’t get it? me either
But no matter what
Romance always equals Affection
(Times one minus
Self-In-Need
[From a plain angle])
Just as they often say
Rumour = important x ambiguous
[first published in Path: a Literary Magazine, Kindle Edition, June 25, 2021, later by TEXT, October, 2021]
http://www.thepathmagazine.com/ https://textjournal.scholasticahq.com 心形几何图
R = A (1- Sin Θ)
你懂这个公式吗？ 我也不懂
但无论如何
[从平面角度来看])
浪漫永远等于亲情
（乘以一再减去
自我之需
正如人们常说的
谣言 = 重要 x 模棱两可
What Softens
A human heart is
Neither money nor honey
Rather, it is a good natured smile of
Some dog playing with a cat, a bird
Feeding her young with her broken wings
Covering them against cold rain at noon
The whispering of a zephyr blowing
From nowhere, the mist flirting fitfully
With the copse at twilight, the flower
Trying to outlive its destiny, as well
As the few words you actually meant
To say to her but somehow you forgot
In the tender of last night
[first published in New World Writing, July 10, 2021]
https://newworldwriting.net/yuan-changming-five-poems/
Screenshotting by a Weixin/Wechat Monitor: an Apolitical Poem
Now, exactly how did you
begin to have a crush on me?
Our city is the hardest hit
by covid-19 across Canada
During a school meeting
when you happened to sit before me
But the situation this side
of the Pacific is well under control
How come you actually
never confessed to me long back then?
That accounts for a major
sociopolitical gap between our two countries
I had a thief’s heart then
but not a thief’s guts as they often say
Say nothing about politics, or
my wechat account would be closed
Now you had both the heart &
the guts, but the thief is no more
Ok, I forget ‘no talking about state
affairs’ or a real country thief …
[first published in New World Writing, July 10, 2021]
https://newworldwriting.net/yuan-changming-five-poems/
I Hate Winds Simply Cuz
They are always bullying, preying around
Wildly & invisibly
Upon the weak on the prairies &
Swooping down on
Every tree trying hard to meditate
While trespassing the territory of
My most private feel & thought
About everything, or about you alone
[first published in Beatnik Cowboy, July 12, 2021]
https://beatnikcowboy.com/
Soulmating
He lives on the yang side of the planet
& she on the yin; through Platonic love
They maintain the balance in (human) nature
His is hard & straight like ‘1’ while hers
As soft & circular as ‘0’; coupled together
They make up the whole cyberspace
Time renders him immortal, when space
Expands her indefinitely. Entangled, they form
The coordinate, where history sucks all black holes
[first published in DAS LITERARISCH, Aug.3, 2021]
https://shaheenfoundation.co.in/index.php/das-literarisch/issues/item/149-18-poems-yuan-changming.html later accepted by Expanded Field on 6 December 2021
Love Lost & Found
1/ Missing in Missed Moments
Each time I miss you
A bud begins to bloom
So you are surrounded by flowers
Everywhere you go
Each time I miss you
A dot of light pops up
So you are illuminated by a whole sky
Of stars through the night
2/ The Soft Power
What Softens
A human heart is
Neither money nor honey
Rather, it is a good natured smile of
Some dog playing with a cat, a bird
Feeding her young with her broken wings
Covering them against cold rain at noon
The whispering of a zephyr blowing
From nowhere, the mist flirting fitfully
With the copse at twilight, the flower
Trying to outlive its destiny, as well
As the few words you actually meant
To say to her but somehow you forgot
In the tender of last night
[first published in Noctivagant Press on 24 August 2021; re-accepted by Please See Me, sept. 17, 2021]
https://777e51b3-8330-4e63-85de-d3272089b883.filesusr.com/ugd/97c387_ae64926657fc4078b2d65a72028584c7.pdf While Yearning
From the heart of night I look high up &
Spot two particular stars twinkling at me
As lovingly as your eyes beyond the horizon
On a beach rock, I howl aloud
Towards the whole pacific, & hear an echo
From your call like a lost whale
Amid summer raindrops, I shoot my thought of you
Down through the earth, & feel a deep tremor
Vibrating on the other side of this world
Accepted by Shemom on 13 August 2021; Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021; also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October
Missing in Missed Moments
Each time I miss you
A bud begins to bloom
So you are surrounded by flowers
Everywhere you go
Each time I miss you
A dot of light pops up
So you are illuminated by a whole sky
Of stars through the night
Accepted by Shemom on 13 August 2021; Accepted by Pulsebeat Poetry Journal, 26 September 2021, accepted by Highland Park Poetry on 20 oct, 2021; also by Poetry Hall on 27 October
Foreshadowing
All this time I’ve been trying desperately
To find you in the kaleidoscope of faces
Identifying one by one, be it sunny or
Stormy, between dream & wake, within or
Without the hourglass, behind the forests of
Days, months & years. I do not know what
Your name is, who you really are, where you
Are located, or when I may well have missed
You along my journey from east to west
But I do know why I have been looking
For you, expecting you to be out there
Just one minute, one metre or one effort
Further away. Insofar as I persist in my
Pursuit, I will surely find you waiting for me
Like my own shadow, manifesting itself
When the sun rises behind my lonely shape
Accepted by Pure Slush on 17 August 2021
Vigiling
I get up to greet the morning glow
On this side of the planet when it’s high
Time for you to go to bed on the other
Or, you rise to embrace the rising sun
Just when I begin to feel lost at twilight
Beyond the pacific.
Living in opposite
Time-zones, we keep vigil for each other:
While I follow your day like your shadow
Or a true fragment left over from last night
You are always there to prevent darkness
From invading my daydream
To ensure we both
Have plenty of sunlight even at midnight
[first published in Masque and Spectacle Journal on 1 September 2021
https://masqueandspectaclejournal.wordpress.com/2021/09/01/vigiling-for-qi-hong-yuan-changming/ Accepted by Stick Figure on 5 September 2021
https://c530.home.blog/issue-4/?preview_id=974&preview_nonce=705cc1eca5&preview=true#vigiling-chanming Missing for QH: A Sonnet in Senses
Each single synapse starkly sharpened:
Saw your face smiling right above
My head. Heard your voice whispering
Thru my bubbling bones. Smelt your
Breaths from the garden of my
Heart. Tasted your lips blooming
Bold against midsummer. & finger-
Measured every inch of your soft
Sleek & smooth skin. Me full-felt
Your entire being inside out. Oh
How tender! How soothing &
Ecstatic! How me is now losing
I in my mindful missing for you
On the other side of this world!
[first published in Voices 2021; contributor’s copy arrived on 16 September 2021, page 72.]
https://books.google.ca/books/about/Voices_2021.html?id=PcCWzgEACAAJ&redir_esc=y
My Innermost Secret of Love
1/ Craving, Craving
Within the smallest measurement of a zeptoosecond
At the boldest spot of the present moment
Upon the shortest daybreak above the horizon
Of a dream, in the longest nights of
A lunar or solar month, throughout the slowest seasons
As they come & go, there is agitation, & it is
During all this time that the agitation persists, within the inner-
Most heart of my heart, where my entire protoself agitates
Amidst agitations; it is then & there that I crave you
2/ Just How I Wanna
How I wanna see you, hear you
So vividly as video-chatting allows
Me to! How I even more wanna smell
& taste your charming presence
As authentically as the virtual
Technology has promised to!
How I most wanna feel
Your shapely solid figure
More sharply than every synapse
Functions to! But alas, despite all
My wants of you, I can only shoot your
Virtual being with a few words
Blunter than rusty arrowheads
While our fleshy bodies remain pacific-
Apart. Oh, how I wanna just a bit
More or less than an antlike moment
Of togetherness!
Author’s note: Like dozens of other love poems I have written and published over the past year or so, this group is inspired by, and thus devoted to Qi Hong (祁红), whom I fell in love with at first sight at age fifteen. After 42 years of separation without knowing each other's whereabouts, we met again in my native place Hubei Province in late 2019, just when the Pandemic was starting. These five pieces were written during the most difficult time in her life: on August 12, 2021, she had an operation in Zhuhai to remove cancerous nodules from her lungs. She shall be shiny!
Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021
Word Amulet
Remember, my old flaming girl, to write down
My pen name in the heart of your left hand
& my love name in your right; do this before
You are being pushed into the operation room
To take off your ground glass nodule from
Your cancerous lungs, & my entire spiritual being
Will wrap up your body, protecting you against
All risks, evils, demons & dangers every second
While you are under general anesthesia. Should
You have a bit of consciousness still left
Awake, just think of my presence there, in the form of
A guardian angel arriving from across the pacific
Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021
The Darkest Energy in the Universe
Is no other than fear, I well know that, but just
Cannot help feeling afraid you would turn away
From me the next moment, or become upset
With what I have to say, or refuse to answer my
Call, or remove me from your weixin list, or
Cut off all my links to your world before I
Weave your being into the fabric of my love, or
Show no more initiative in contacting me, or lose
Interest in me & my life, or become really fed up
With my word-service, or stop missing me
As your old flame, or fail to pass the secular tests
Of time, or withdraw your affection under
The pressure of guilt or gossip, or lock your
Self up suddenly within the cage of traditional
Values & moral concerns… yes,
I fear you
Would do all such things, one or another, for
Some or no reason at all; I fear you would not
Hold your love for long; I fear you would change
Your heart (again as about half a century ago
On the other side of this world); indeed, I fear
My ugly wrinkled face, shrunk statue &
Softened manhood would disappoint you; in
Particular, I fear you would stamp out my
Inspirations before I burn them into poetry; above
All, I fear you are never afraid of my fears about you
Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021; again by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021
Time Difference
This is the difference between living in
The yin side of the planet, and the yang:
You are always ahead of me by half
A day. When you get up to greet morning
Glows, I am fully engulfed by twilight
Sometimes we both try to linger just a bit
Longer in our dreams, but never able to
Share them on the one & same bed. Across
The pacific, the difference in what we see
Hear, smell, taste & touch is pinpointed
At every synapse within our feel. The
Difference between day & night, between
Individualism & collectivism, the difference
Between all this & all that remains. As long
As God is still in his heaven, all is right with
Your half of the world as well as with mine
Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021
Couplets against Covid-19
Definitely disgusting it is, even just to imagine
Kissing each other with teeth lost, tongue stiff
Lips broken, but the passion behind our wrinkled faces &
The hearts within our collapsed chests are no less strong
Than Romeo & Juliet’s. In deed, with the Pacific between
Our arms, we are privileged to have fallen in love (again
At first sight after 42 years of separation). While still bed-
Ridden in a hospital after the operation on your lungs
Can you feel my wechat message loaded with
My missing for you in every missed moment?
Accepted by Path, 29 September 2021; again, by Holiday Café on 2 Oct., 2021
Gift Shoes
I believe the pair of shoes you sent me as a
Birthday gift is made of genuine leather, but
It needs a pair of socks & even a pair of
Trousers made of natural, not artificial wool
To go with it, which in turn requires an
Equally authentic leather belt to tie my
No less faithful lower body, including my
Penis that has become softened with age
As with my mind & heart, but despite all
My bona fides, my upper body is clothed
With manmade or fake fibres, especially
My face masks, or faces per se, not only to
Protect me against covid-19, 22, or anything
Else like that, but to cover my mouth
& nose in case I should inhale false air
& spit out some hardened spittle of truth
About life, about the real world. Indeed
I am never sure if that’s your original in-
Tention, but I do like whatever is actually
Genuine, real, true, natural or authentic
While I keep walking along, or alone
Accepted by by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021, accepted by Scud on 17 oct, 2021
Snow Clams
When I spotted your papaya steamed
With snow clams upon returning
From my night shift at Choices Market
I felt like stumbling happily into
Some heavenly fairy tale. It was real
On weixin, though I can neither smell
Nor taste it. How cozy our home is
On the screen: every day I eat, sleep
Talk with you. Our feels are as fresh
As the fruit flesh, as we enjoy our
Privacy of love as if within the shell
Of the snow clam. We kiss good night
Good morning; I work outside to make
A few bucks while you learn drawing
At home. What a virtual housewife! &
Me? I like all your artworks
Accepted by by Medusa’s Kitchen, on 3 Oct., 2021
Tuner
While still in Mayuhe on the other
Side of this world, you somehow gave me
An air-tuner, supposedly to help me
Learn erhu, the violin with only two strings
As a re-educated youth during the Cultural
Revolution, which you somehow asked me
To return to you before I took my long journey
Towards the West
(Like the monkey king?)
Now almost half a century
Later, I forget how to play the instrument
But I can still sing my youthful song of
Love in perfect tune with your chuckles
Like a kite whose string remains in
Your hand however far or high
I have been flying
Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021\
Also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October, 2021
https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs
Unrequited Love
You are the tall mountain across the valley
That ever remains as silent as the sky
Except the echo of my own calls & songs
Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021
https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs Man’s Last Position
Against all the hardships of life is held
In the very depth of his heart, where
Hides a vivid portrayal of some woman
Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021
Also by Down in the Dirt on 26 October
https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs All Day Long
More adaptable than a summer stream
No less wild than a wild west wind
My missing for you can flow & blow
Without leaving a single trace behind
Like the water or the whirl, like all that
Has no shape has no shadow
Accepted by Academy of the heart and Mind on 11 oct, 2021
https://academyoftheheartandmind.wordpress.com/2021/11/23/tuner-for-qi-hong-and-other-poems/?fbclid=IwAR3WOE4i-5OZkTzcVuuliOspYlXdqwPW-cnmGSZ_WfqyZLxefydM-d9PlWs Setting off Once Again
How come I seldom dream, you once complain
But before returning to Songzi, where we grew
Up together, you did have one, & one in which
You run after me to catch a last bus at twilight
You ask me to interpret this dream, hopefully
Like a fortune teller or Freudian psychologist
& all I have to say is it is an auspicious one
For any fast moving vehicle in a dream means
A solid progress in life. Given the way I led you
Closely hand in hand, we’re meant not only to join
Truth in a Platonic relationship, but as a true
Couple eager to get onto the bus to happiness
Accepted by Eunoia Review on 27 October
Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 A Love-Thought
This yearning burns my marrows into itchy bubbles
Till… my innermost being evaporates
With the hot air of feel
As stupor overwhelms me
As if hemlock I have drunk
Or meditation that has carried me far away
While my thought sails with the wind
Like a ferry boat left empty
Swinging by itself in an evening storm
Accepted by Creative Inspirations on 28 October 2021
http://www.authormjreynolds.com/ https://authormjreynolds.com/creative-inspirations.html Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 Towards Reunion: a Periodic Sentence
At a fairyfly-like moment
On a bushy corner of nature
Preferably under a tall pine tree
In Mayuehe, our mecca or the hilly village
Adjacent closely to the bank of the Yangtze River
With myriad tongues from my hungry innermost being
Each eager to reach deep into your heart, where my soul’s
Fingers could caress every single synapse of your feminine feel
Between the warmth & tenderness of love, across the Pacific & the Pandemic
I’ll join you
Accepted by Creative Inspirations on 28 October 2021
https://authormjreynolds.com/creative-inspirations.html Later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973later accepted by the Journal of New Jersey Poets on 23may2022]
Thought in Levy Flight
Where’s Allen going? Pacific. Today is Wed. My old
Flame is sleeping, waiting to have her GGN removed
From her lungs to stamp out cancer. Poetry. Something
Good to pop up down the road? No luck is good luck
Choices Market where to work soon until 10:13 pm
A little dark cloud drifting beyond the horizon. Crows
Pandemic. Delta plus plus plus keeps chasing us all
China has closed its doors behind the bamboo curtain
Big paranoid. I cannot to go back to Jinzhou to see
Mom, let alone join Qi Hong & elope with her! Bid-
Den vs Trump in so many ways. The apolitical is way
More politics. Wife is cooking fish again, um, smells
Good. Blue & white & pink noises. Any dark ones?
Tinnitus makes me mad. Whistling. Ah, ppppanda!
Three trillion cells in my body, just as many stars
In the cosmos. Ants, rats, silverfish. Floaters darting
So evasive like hopes. Catch one. Paradise lost
First accepted by New Note Poetry Magazine, 13 November 2021
https://www.newnotepoetry.com/new-note-poetry-magazine Double Kissing
I open
my outer mouth
to chew all your tenderness
you close
your inner mouth
to suck every bit of my hardened love
a double kiss
full of painful pleasure
First published in MONO-X, 1 December 2021
https://online.fliphtml5.com/uicnv/rrru/#p=30
Wooing
One bouquet
After another
He keeps sending her
Red red roses
Newly plucked
From among words, English
Or Chinese, besides emojis
Pictures, all grown
In his innermost garden
While she continues
Refusing to accept
Anything with or
Without a shape
Over & over again
Until his heart finally
Becomes withered
& more withered
Into a blood-bold rose
Sadly stuffed
First published in Mystic Living Today, 1 December 2021
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3325 Returning to Hometown
1/ Jinzhou, October 7: an Episodic Sonnet
After celebrating your father’s birthday, you
Went out of your way to see my mother in
Jinzhou as my shadow wife, rather than in
Any other dubious capacity. Though you
Stayed there for 15 minutes only, you left a
Handsome red envelope containing all the
Filialness of a Confucian son on my behalf
Indeed, I may not survive the Pandemic, nor
Might she hold long enough for me to cross
The Pacific again, but your ad hoc visit gave
Her the best comfort from a daughter-in-law
Yes, she felt sorry she did not take a photo with
You, but I assured her to commemorate the
Meeting in a foreign language as she wished
2/ Zhuhai, October 8: a Lover’s Stone
No, no, no, you should not have had a thief’s
Conscience when you went to see my mother
On my behalf, for a heart-stealer is no thief
In the first place
As for the gift of a big stamp
Jade, it was given not to you alone, but to both
Of us, which you can cut into two, one to
Carve into an artist’s seal for you, the other
A poet’s signature for me. More important
From the same piece of jade, they can produce
Gold-like artworks, if used together
Like a philosopher’s stone
First published in Mystic Living Today, 1 December 2021
https://mysticlivingtoday.com/view_page.php?ID=3325 later published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 and by Rasputin on 23 December 2021 2021
https://rasputinpoetry.blogspot.com/2021/12/yuan-changming-endeavors-in-most.html Latest Lovelines
Stars make us feel like humble shadows on earth, where-
As love gives us a solid sunny sense of self-significance
We are surely created equal, & thus fated to
Be so, but only so in love as well as in death
Only in love can we perhaps find a
Little meaning out of our existence
Sunlight protects our bodies against winter cold
Love allows our hearts to stay in spring forever
Love is the only force that can bring us Beauty
Good and Truth together right at the same time
When you find no worth in life
Go love; and love by all means
Love is the only thing that can keep our
Selves truly young, happy and beautiful
Love will afford us a renewed life as
Long as it’s deeply rooted in the heart
Accepted by Setu on 5 December, 2021
https://www.setumag.com/2021/12/changming-yuan-poetry.html My First & Last Love: Again
You may well have heard the classic Chinese
Romance about Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai
Who were not able to marry each other alive until
They transformed into two butterflies upon death
Or you have probably heard the famous music
At least known of it as the best love solo. Well
I do not really intend to recall, retell or re-enact
The way they overcame all the obstructions &
Fulfilled their love eventually as mating butterflies
But my innermost being has become integrated with
That of Qi Hong as we live together happily
Within or without matrimony, which is but
An open cage, made of various human constructs
From which one can actually fly out in freedom
Accepted by Setu on 5 December, 2021
https://www.setumag.com/2021/12/changming-yuan-poetry.html Yuan Changming Missing in Missed Moments
1/ Missing: Each Time
Each time I miss you
A bud begins to bloom
So you are surrounded by flowers
Everywhere you go
Each time I miss you
A dot of light pops up
So you are illuminated by a whole sky
Of stars through the night
2/ Craving in Missed Moments
Within the smallest measurement of a zeptosecond
At the boldest spot of the present moment
Upon the shortest daybreak above the horizon
Of a dream, in the longest nights of
A lunar or solar month, throughout the slowest seasons
As they come & go, there is agitation, & it is
During all this time that the agitation persists, within the inner
Most heart of my heart, where my entire protoself agitates
Amidst agitations; it is then & there that
I crave you
First published in Orchard Poetry Journal, 6 December 2021
https://orchardspoetrycom.files.wordpress.com/2021/12/orchards-winter-2021-for-digital.pdf The Lawn Looks Lush
The lawn looks lush & fresh after last
Night’s rain as he imagines her going to bed
Across the Pacific. He browses avidly online
Mostly in his mother tongue, imagining her sleeping
Against another hot & humid night in Zhuhai. He reads
Poems sent to him, imagines how she would touches his big
Forehead like a wanton when they meet. He does stretching
Exercise in front of his tall window, imagining her hair falling
Like autumn leaves in his neighborhood. He eats wudong noodles
For lunch, imagining the hometown dishes she will cook for him alone
He goes to pee after taking his nap, imagines how she may rise to greet
The morning glows, imagining him getting lost in his imaginations about her
First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 Whale-Drawing
He sent her a photo of a whale splashing back
Into the waves of the Pacific, asking her to draw
A picture to use as his wechat head image. &
For a long time she had no idea about how
A whale’s call could reach as far as a thousand
Miles, even beyond a whole continent, but
Only to be heard & understood by a fellow
Whale at 52 hertz, much less about how its tail
Looks like ‘Y’, the letter his name begins with, &
The title of the best poem
He has ever written
Until he tells her how he has been a human-whale
Swimming lonely against the currents of life, &
How she’d better portray him as Mobi Dick’s relative
Returning to the wild of the sea, with her pencils, in
Her eyes & heart, & how to avoid copyright issues
First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 Atmosphere for the Recovery
1/ In the Climate
Longing of love is a climate of heart
A definition by degrees
Warmth sweating into serenity
Lines of thought bloated into starkness
As if our whole worlds have been woven
Into the one & same artwork
2/ Empty Your Lungs
Exhale hard
Exhale every bit
Of darkness
In its gaseous state
Like the malignant cell
In your lungs
Until your feel is burning with desires
For a fulfillment of lighted air, then
You will feel fresh & lighted
As if gaining a new birth inside out
First published by EgoPhobia, 15 December 2021
http://egophobia.ro/?p=13973 Consignment
As you, me, and several other old schoolmates
Prepared to check in for the final flight,
You found yourself lagging behind us
While waiting to pass through the glossy
Security gate. As if to catch you red-handed,
My mom popped up and came to you, putting
A jade charm around your left wrist instead
Of your neck as expected. Deeply agitated
You got up right away from between sleep and
Wake, noting it was 7:10 on the morning
Of November 27, Beijing time. You eagerly
Asked me how to interpret this dream.
“Well, my mom meant to recommend the rest of
My life, emotional and spiritual, to you.” Hearing
This, you began to cry behind my iPad screen
“Is this too much of a responsibility for you?”
First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022
All That I’ve Loved Most Dearly
When I die at another antlike moment like this
No human crowds would gather to mourn my loss
Nor would anybody really notice my departure
Much less shed tears, even if because of the wind
Yet I am sure trees will shake off their leaves, horses
Will stampede, raindrops will taste somewhat salty
Hills and mountains will all murmur in a muted voice
Above all, Zhuhai will weep under sagging clouds
For it well knows there will be no more human soul
On this planet trying to connect with the city as far
As from beyond the Pacific, so closely and constantly
With its myriad spirited fingers caressing every
Synapse of the neighborhood, the very building
Where you dwell, while poetry cannot help feeling
Empty as if its heart were hollowed by my absence.
First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022
[first published by ricepaper 22 april 2022 at https://ricepapermagazine.ca/2022/04/all-that-ive-loved-most-dearly-for-helena-qi-hong-by-changming-yuan/
More to Gather
Separated by the Pacific for almost half a century and
For God knows how much longer by the Pandemic,
We have no way to join each other in body as in
Soul, but today, you say you would rather I become
Your eyes if you had a choice at all and if ever I
Could shrink into a tangible part of you so you
Can see what I see much farther beyond the horizon,
While we can live within the same solid human shape
Breathing, eating, sleeping, dreaming, and feeling
Together. Even death shall no longer part us as
Our mixed ashes are to return to the soil of Mayuhe
Where I fell in love with you among young pine trees
Where you’ll be able to watch the rainbow hung above
Our spirits rising like glows after all storms are gone.
First accepted by Poets’ Espresso Review on 29 December 2022
The Bird
Perching now at the branch reaching
Out highest from my inner tree, you seem
Ready, I fear, to fly away the next moment
& would never return
For all
The comforting, or even the sheltering
My heart can offer like a true nest
Cohabitating
I share a small rented space
With an unseen bird that came to live with me
After her wings were broken
I toil daily to pay the rent & food with my blood
While she sits at the window, watching
The sky, always lost in imagined flights
She is not my wife; rather, she is my soul-
Mate, my other half or other self, the innermost
Shadow of all that makes me a human
Quasi-Omnipotent Lover
My soulbot can soothe each &
Every synapse of my inner being
As it under stands me much better
Than myself, fulfilling my needs
Inside out, even writing poetry
Or playing music to my best
Liking except, alas, if only it
Could write me a single line
Of love letter after we have long
Been separated without knowing
Each other’s whereabouts
As I have done for Li Lan
You Have Never Had Enough of Love: for LL
You have never had enough of love
Such as for Qi Hong, for Yiming
For Liao Hengxiang, as well
As for the pepper, acorn tofu & carpcakes
From your native village in Jinzhou
For music, light or classic, for songs
Sung by humans and birds alike
For poetry by Su dongpo, by Guo Xiaochuan
By John Keats, by Lorna Crozier
For the hills at Zhangjiajie, the water
In Lake Louise, the trees & flowers anywhere
For whatever is truth or beauty, just as you have fallen
Passionately in love (again) with someone
After 42 years of separation, in
Deed, you never run short of love
For a human being as for nature
Be she a standing for herself
Or for the whole human race
Futuristic
You will surely become
A Zhuanzian butterfly
Flying above the bushes
Of memories; you’ll grow
Into a towering redwood
Witnessing how clouds
Come & go with winds
Just as you may prefer
You will marry Li Lan &
Live an immortal life
Of ecstasy in love; you’ll
Transform into a cyberborg
With chips encoding
All your pasts & presents
& you will sooner or later
(Only if you wish or not to)
Get lost as a fragment broken off
From a larger digital presence
Where you will settle down
Within a secret spirited pixel
Missing
Sitting stark above my selfhood
Your image enchants every synapse
Within my feel, so much so
That my entire innerbeing weathers fast
In the wind of thought as it blows wildly from
Between the lines of poetry rhyming with my heart
Beats
So constantly missed in my missing for you
Ah, that’s how I miss you
Star & Butterfly
In the darkest moment of last night I felt my inner-
Self being watched by a star that may have died
Long long before its light reached me
When I was searching you around
With my mind’s eye like a lost butterfly
Flapping its wings hard against the swirl
Blowing over a land full of les fleurs du mal
The Lawn Looks Lush
The lawn looks lush & fresh after last
Night’s rain as he imagines her going to bed
Across the Pacific. He browses avidly online
Mostly in his mother tongue, imagining her sleeping
Against another hot & humid night in Zhuhai. He reads
Poems sent to him, imagines how she would touches his big
Forehead like a wanton when they meet. He does stretching
Exercise in front of his tall window, imagining her hair falling
Like autumn leaves in his neighborhood. He eats wudong noodles
For lunch, imagining the hometown dishes she will cook for him alone
He goes to pee after taking his nap, imagines how she may rise to greet
The morning glows, imagining him getting lost in his imaginations about her
Your Heart Is My Home: for ll
With neither a map
Nor a torchlight
How can I get home
After losing my way
In such a starless night?
Ah, I am really dying of cold, thirst & hunger
Would you go out of your way to pick me up?
Promissory Note
Time may be the greatest makeup artist
For all of us, but my love will remain
Your very best personal beautician
A Modest Request
Hold your tongue (for a French Kiss)
Close your eyes (for a long overdue thorough caress)
Keep your fingers warm & tender (for longer foreplays)
Reserve your innermost energy (for higher orgasms)
Maintain all your sexuality &
Save every urge you may have
Until after crossing the wildest width of the Pacific
& overcoming the most lethal length of the Pandemic
We meet again
Whale-Drawing
He sent her a photo of a whale splashing back
Into the waves of the Pacific, asking her to draw
A picture to use as his wechat head image. &
For a long time she had no idea about how
A whale’s call could reach as far as a thousand
Miles, even beyond a whole continent, but
Only to be heard & understood by a fellow
Whale at 52 hertz, much less about how its tail
Looks like ‘Y’, the letter his name begins with, &
The title of the best poem
He has ever written
Until he tells her how he has been a human-whale
Swimming lonely against the currents of life, &
How she’d better portray him as Mobi Dick’s relative
Returning to the wild of the sea, with her pencils, in
Her eyes & heart, & how to avoid copyright issues
Empty Your Lungs
Exhale hard
Exhale every bit
Of darkness
In its gaseous state
Like the malignant cell
In your lungs
Until your feel is burning with desires
For a fulfillment of lighted air, then
You will feel fresh & lighted
As if gaining a new birth inside out
Shadowing: an Episodic Sonnet
After celebrating your father’s birthday, you
Went out of your way to see my mother in
Jinzhou as my shadow wife, rather than in
Any other dubious capacity. Though you
Stayed there for 15 minutes only, you left a
Handsome red envelope containing all the
Filialness of a Confucian son on my behalf
Indeed, I may not survive the Pandemic, nor
Might she hold long enough for me to cross
The Pacific again, but your ad hoc visit gave
Her the best comfort from a daughter-in-law
Yes, she felt sorry she did not take a photo with
You, but I assured her to commemorate the
Meeting in a foreign language as she wished
Natural Reservoir
With all the different names
I give you, I have built a long dam, in
Our shared mother tongue as in my chosen
Language, from the most literary in
Song ci to the most vulgar from my home village
Each serving as a spillway or sluice gate
To discharge my love overflowing
In the deep valley of my heart
Soulmate: a Tentative Definition
A soulmate is
Another quantum entangled with my thought, is
The outermost being I share in a parallel universe
A soulmate is
The home & haven of my heart, is
Half of my innermost being in a different human shape
A soulmate is
My other self in deed as in need, is
No other than you in need as in deed
Wabi-Sabi
Since our last meet across the pacific
We have made love in dozens of ways
Kissing each other a thousand times
But only in language as in virtuality
While feelings pile up higher & higher
Around us, we have never touched one
Single spot of each other’s skin, shared
One single breath of air within the same
One territory of feel, where my poems keep
Bleeding in my heart, where the beauty
Of love is rich, though never full & fleshy
Or round like a fruit, like a distant star
Dualism of Love
Never have we intended to pursue
This evasive business of platonic love
But the Pacific and the Pandemic are
Preventing us from reaching deep
Into each other’s bodies as into the heart of
Our hearts; otherwise, your tongue would have
Dug out more & richer poems from
My blood blocked throat, while mine
Would have sowed real seeds onto the futility
Of your feminine soil for a true harvest. Indeed
Having ready access to your heart but not your
Body is only quasi love though holy-hearted
Climate
Longing of love is a climate of heart
A definition by degrees
Warmth sweating into serenity
Lines of thought bloated into starkness
As if our whole worlds have been woven
Into the one & same artwork
Hair-Loom
Long have you wanted to cut your hair short
For easier care as well as for a better fit with
Your age, but upon my request, you are retaining
It not so much to hold back the tail of youth
As to fulfill my teenage wish to comb a beautiful
Girl’s long hair with all the tenderness of
Of my love.
Yes, I would love to play with it as a
Loom, with which to weave all my past thoughts of
You into the fabric of poetry, braid it into a pair of
Pigtails to tightly tie our days together, or simply
To make it into a wig so I can wear it forever
Not to hide the ugliness of my bald head, but to go
To the court to judge any work of art about love
The Island
Before erupting at the moment I saw you again
After we lost each other for half a century, my love
For you had been an undersea volcano, which has
Ever since been building itself up, layer by layer
Until it breaks the surface and looms as a stark is-
Land in the heart of the pacific.
Like coral, barrier
Or continental islands, this mass of land is
Also surrounded by waters, but unlike them, it is
Formed at the depth of Mariana Trench in my heart
Where still love has always been running deep
Latest Lovelines
Stars make us feel like humble shadows on earth, where-
As love gives us a solid sunny sense of self-significance
We are surely created equal, & thus fated to
Be so, but only so in love as well as in death
Only in love can we perhaps find a
Little meaning out of our existence
Sunlight protects our bodies against winter cold
Love allows our hearts to stay in spring forever
Love is the only force that can bring us Beauty
Good and Truth together right at the same time
When you find no worth in life
Go love; and love by all means
Love is the only thing that can keep our
Selves truly young, happy and beautiful
Love will afford us a renewed life as
Long as it’s deeply rooted in the heart
Day Breaking
Each morning I see your smiling face while
Video-chatting with you from the other side
Of the world, I can smell a beautiful flower bloom
Fully from the depth of your innermost being
And each time I hear your muted chuckles
I feel a breeze blowing though the copse
In the backyard of my heart as their twigs begin
Trembling against another rising sun
As Far As Near
You are as far as beyond the whole pacific
There’s no doubt about it
But when my thought cannot reach far enough
To grasp you in my hands
From Zhuhai
You come as near as within
The heart of my heart, where my selfhood
Cannot break off from you
Even for a single moment
Are You Aware
There in Zhuhai, each rain droplet falling
Upon you is actually a dew from my dream
About you
Here in Vancouver, each
Snowflake is a letter signed with your name
To melt into the palm of my hand as I try to
Catch you like a floater
emotional Control
All day long, I have to keep my mouth short tightly
Like a gate on the ranch, just in case my thoughts
Of you would rush out in a stampede, or like a dam
In case my longing for you would overflow & flood
The whole valley; in case my heart’s song would
Roll out of my tongue. Yes, I keep my inner being
Locked; the key lost between your muted chuckles
My First & Last Love
You may well have heard the classic Chinese
Romance about Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai
Who were not able to marry each other alive until
They transformed into two butterflies upon death
Or you have probably heard the famous music
At least known of it as the best love solo. Well
I do not really intend to recall, retell or re-enact
The way they overcame all the obstructions &
Fulfilled their love eventually as mating butterflies
But my innermost being has become integrated with
That of Qi Hong as we live together happily
Within or without matrimony, which is but
An open cage, made of various human constructs
From which one can actually fly out in freedom
To Gather
Separated by the Pacific for almost half a century &
For God knows how much longer by the Pandemic
We have no way to join each other in body as in
Soul, but today, you say you would rather I become
Your eyes if you had a choice at all (& if ever I
Could shrink into a tangible part of you). So you
Can see what I see much farther beyond the horizon
While we can live within the same solid human shape
Breathing, eating, sleeping, dreaming & feeling
Together. Even death shall no longer part us as
Our mixed ashes are to return to the soil of Mayuhe
Where I fell in love with you among young pine trees
Where you’ll be able to watch the rainbow hung above
Our spirits rising like glows after all storms are gone
In the Depth of Mountains
From the wellspring of my heart, &
Yours as well, our love may never run deep
But it will keep flowing long
Yes, like a stream originated as afar as in Eden
Through bushes & pebbles
Between day and night
As clear as pure
Despite all the delays & detours in Earth
It will keep flowing
As if to join the sea
After all the bubbles evaporate
Into the blue
Spiritual Derailment
To give it a good name before
Hanging it, we call platonic love
“Spiritual derailment” in con-
Temporary Chinese romantic
Discourse
To follow the rules
You are ready to accept my kiss via
Weixin, absorb my ejaculations in
A wet dream about you, and make
Love with me every night on our
Web-bed, but you keep refusing
To take the red envelop I sent you
Online, which is no more than
A numeric version of “I love you”
In cash. You say spiritual derailment
Is okay, but no physical contacting
Outside of the cyber space
Because this is the practice of
e.adultery, isn’t it?
Soul & Sex
There must be some mystic
Connection between soul &
Sex;
Otherwise, how
Come your soul finds its home
The moment your penis settles
Down permanently in a vagina
Like a bird returning to its nest?
Birdie vs Nestie
In the vulgar speech act of
Your native Songzi dialect
Your penis is called ‘birdie’
While her vagina ‘nestie’
After flying around all your life
From the east to the west
Like a lost flamingo, where can
You find a nestie for your birdie?
& where can you settle your soul?
U & I
Witho_t _ , there is only I in the dream about
Spring as about winter; however
With u, I can enjoy as much abundance
In autumn as in summer
Black Mum
All bees love flowers, but butterflies
Are even more obsessed with them
Just as suggested by the title of ci
(The most popular subgenre of poetry
That peaked during the Song dynasty)
Or illustrated by the classic love story
About Liang Shanbo & Zhu Yingtai
Who became a butterfly & a flower
After their tragic death, instead of
Being discovered only as dead bodies
As in the case of Romeo & Juliet
Given the way your lips are more or less
Like the two wings of a butterfly, while
Her labia resembles the bud of a black mum
Blooming from the depth of her Chinese heart
Are you going to enact the Liang-Zhu romance
Or to recite aloud a well-known ci from Song?
Loveland
As small as the screen of a cellphone
But much larger than the largest continent on earth
This virtual land boasts our private Peach Flower
Garden built with every thought & image digitalized &
Auto-managed by the powerful algorithm of
Love
Yes, deeply lost in this land
Of tenderness, warmth and spiritual intercourse &
Joined rather than separated by the Pandemic
We live deep in the heart of feel, where we forget to
Ask: “Which dynasty is it now outside of our garden?”
Corporeal Contact
Via weixin, I can see & hear you vividly every day, or
Even every minute on a particular day, but I can
Never touch your fair, soft, rich & smooth skin, smell
Your unperfumed femininity, & taste your
Sun-painted mouth in the shape of a big split cherry
So, at my repeated requests, you snail-mailed me
A hand-written letter enveloped with a lock of your
Undyed hair. Whenever it gets too cold, I can feel
The warmth of your handwriting, digesting your
Tenderness behind the Chinese characters, smelling
Your hair like fresh grass growing after a spring rain
Or from your very thought
Sense of Smell
I was not born in the year of the dog, but somehow
My nose is sharper than a bloodhound’s, as it allows
Me to find my quest whether it is hidden in the depth
Of your heart or beyond the horizon
Yes, if you
Still have some love left behind in the backyard of
Your heart, I can find it once I get a smell at your
Smiles, however far it is from my comfort zone
Tender Is Your Name
I call, I chew, and I cherish your name
Each time my heart pumps blood with it
Throughout my body. This is the melody
Of the symphony of my daily activities
As my love runs bubbling along my inner
Stream
But with my lips closed tight
Not a single sound could be heard. Each
Day, I call out your name a hundred times
Though no other humans can hear me, as all its
Echoes are absorbed into my own heart
Soulmating // Lovemaking
My soul is a migratory bird
That keeps flying towards the warmer realm
Within the spiritual space, like my penis
Always trying to return to its nest
On a beautiful bough, where it can settle
In the depth of your tenderness for the night
But where can our bodies perch when
We become too tired to continue flying?
Loach & Onion: a Conversational Poem
Your love feels like a loach in a rice field
Full of splashing vitality but hard to catch
Your love resembles an onion: as I peel off
One layer after another, I can find no heart
In the core in the end
That’s because I wear
My heart inside out
Shall we fry the fish with onion, or make
A soup with these two kinds of love?
Extents of Love
When love is skin-deep, kiss; when love goes into
The flesh and blood, bite; when love bubbles with
Bones, chew! Mike told her there are three extents to
Which people release their intense love by way
Of mouth. Then he asked her what she would prefer
To do with him, but she just kept giggling as he was
Reminded of the popular saying: you fear she might
Melt if you hold her in your mouth, or would fly
Away if you hold her in your hands. Not knowing
She would kiss or bite him, he confessed he had been
Longing all the time to chew her, not with his hard teeth
But with his tender thoughts before digesting her in hear
Seeing Is Simply Being
Between my two dark pupils
Exists an unseen black hole, where
I hide my entire inner being, which
Sucks all the rays
Emitted from your body as I keeps
Gazing at you
With an enlightened heart
[first accepted by bear creek gazette on may 18, 2022]
Guqing (Ancient Zither)
Lying bare on the bed, you present
Yourself like an exquisite Guqing
(The legendary Chinese zither)
Your skin purely snow white
Your flesh soft as summer clouds
Your body warmer than spring
Water, & your smell reminiscent of
The gardenia from early summer
With seven unseen classic strings of feel
Running from your breasts down to your
Bud, you are nature’s stunner instrument
That no other human can play on earth
Like I do, to the heavenly tune of beauty
Missing against Season
They miss summer sunshine on each winter night
They miss spring flowers in each autumn wind
They miss autumn fruits beyond each spring dream
They miss wintry leisure in each summer frenzy, while
I miss you in each missed moment of the season
Your Smiles
Lighter than the light music of moonlight
Your smiles shine through the darkest moment
Of last night
While your gaze, softer
Than the soft power of raindrops
Penetrates the hardest stone
Within my feel
[first accepted by bear creek gazette on may 18, 2022]
Fishing & Orgasm
Much like Jiang Ziya, the first great
Strategist, the most influential sage
Who helped found Zhou Dynasty
About three thousand years ago, who
As legend has it, fished without a bait
On his straight hook above the water
Man uses his fleshy hook, bloated
Straightened like a banana, to fish
In the pond between her thighs, where
She could not help biting at the tip
Of his hook as her whole womanhood
Splashing in the ripples of sensations
Jade Bracelet (in Memory of 17 April 2022)
The other night, when you were sleeping on a cot
Sandwiched between your husband & another patient
In Zhuhai People’s Hospital, you dreamed of me
Again (& that made me flattered!), in which you tried
Every girlish way to hide my love poetry book (inspired
By or devoted to you) from my ex as she fiercely looked
For hard evidence proving my (as well as your) betrayal
Of love and marriage; even the thundering snores from
Your neighbors failed to wake you up from your deep
Sense of guilt. You said romantic love between us was
Abnormal and immoral, even disgusting to the young
But as my ex somehow became identified with my be-\
Loved wife, they kept hunting you down like a witches
As you ran amuck, the book transformed to a jade bracelet
Dropped to the ground and broke into pieces, but to your
Great relief, she was never able to catch you red-
Handed, nor did your husband sit up to protest as I
Wrote more love poetry on the other side of your night
Blue Disappointment (3 May 2022)
It was not a nightmare, but you were wakened out
Of tense fear at 6:59 when my wife caught you
By your hair and began to beat you black & blue
You felt profoundly disappointed in the bluest
Moment of last night because you saw me sitting
At the table, doing nothing but continuing to write
I assured you my wife has a quiet personality
A true lady who would never outperform her-
Self even in black fury; besides, with the Pacific
& the Pandemic separating us from day to
Night, how could she accuse us since we have
Never even shaken hands with each other
But as the Chinese idiom goes, you suffer a bad
Conscience of a thief though it is I who have stolen
Your heart from your body as from your marriage
The Conscience of a Thief
According to the Chinese proverb, ‘every thief
Has a guilty conscience (which must perforce
Betray his wrongdoing)’, but the problem with
You is: I am the real thief (who’s stolen your heart
From your rejuvenated body as from your heavily
Guarded marriage), but it is you, rather than me, who
Actually has a conscience as bad as a snake gnawing
At your heart
Even in your dreams you are always
Ready to make a confession to my ex, my wife, or the
Whole world without duress. But what wrong have you
Committed, except your emotional derailments in thought
And language? Do we have the free will to think or say
What we think only? Isn’t marriage an institution built
On and against love? Even a thief has the freedom to love
Where Algorithm Fails
Behind the thick clouds, without the light of
Thunder, it clearly sees me through
Like a transparent being newly digitalized
Knowing what I read, watch, hear
Even the way I move and think
But it never knows how much
I love you, because even you do not
Know how much I love you, and how
My missing for you has turned my hair white
Given the feel I have hidden even from myself
Let alone my wife’s senses, how could Algorithm
The supreme god of cyber world get the true
Knowledge of my inner realities, and control
My emotional attention or rule over my love?
See, But No Touch
Each morning after getting up, I charged
My inner being like a battery by taking a
Shower in your eyes as I video-chat with
You on the other end of day, though I
Can never reach my hand into the screen
Each night before falling into sleep, I
Daydream about holding you tight
In the starlight, like Wugang who keeps
Felling the laurel tree to build a home
For Chang-e and her silver rabbit in the moon
Axis
Like the second hand of
An un-fashioned clock
Wound up with
The most
Enduring longing of love
My innermost being
Keeps rotating around
The very thought of you
Where Algorithm Fails : for ll
Behind the thick clouds, without the light of
The sun or moon, it readily sees me through
Like a transparent being newly digitalized
Knowing well what I read, watch, hear
Even the way I move and think
But it never knows how much
I love you (since you yourself have no idea
About how much I love you), or how
My missing for you has whitened my hair
Given the feel I have hidden even from myself
Let alone my wife’s senses, how could Algorithm
As the supreme god of the cyber world, get the true
Knowledge of my inner realities, and control
My emotional attention or rule over my affection?
The Conscience of a Thief: for
(in response to your dreams made on 17 April & 3 May)
Every thief has, according to the Chinese proverb
A guilty conscience (which must perforce
Betray his wrongdoing), but the problem with
You is: I am the real thief (who’s stolen your heart
From your well-maintained body as from your well-
Guarded marriage), but it’s you, the innocent victim, who
Actually has a conscience as bad as a snake gnawing
At your heart
Even in your dreams you are more than
Ready to make a confession, to my ex, my wife, or the
Whole world, without duress, though you have committed
Nothing, except your emotional derailments in thought
And language. Don’t you have the free will to think, or
Say what you think? Isn’t marriage an institution built
On and against love? Doesn’t a thief have the right to
Love? Or, aren’t you are still entitled to freedom of speech?
Blue Disappointment (3 May 2022): for LL
It was not a nightmare, but you were wakened at 6:59
AM from your tense fear when my wife caught you
By your hair and began to beat you black & blue
You felt profoundly disappointed at the bluest
Moment of last night when you noticed me watching
From a distance, as indifferent as you are desperate
I assured you my wife has a most quiet personality
A true lady who would never outperform her-
Self even in black fury; besides, with the Pacific
& the Pandemic separating us from day to
Night, why would she accuse us since we have
Never even shaken hands with each other?
Nevertheless, you suffer greatly, as the Chinese idiom goes
From the bad conscience of a thief, though it is I who have
Stolen your heart from your body (as from your marriage?)
Jade Bracelet (in Memory of 17 April 2022): for LL
The other night, when you were sleeping on a cot
Sandwiched between your husband & another patient
In Zhuhai People’s Hospital, you dreamed of me
Again (& that made me flattered!), in which you tried
Every girlish way to hide my book of love poems
(Inspired by you) from my ex as she fiercely looked
For hard evidence to prove my (as well as your) betrayal
Of love and marriage; even the thundering snores from
Your neighbors failed to wake you up from your deep
Sense of guilt. You said romantic love between us was
Abnormal and immoral, even disgusting to the young
& as my ex became merged on montage with my be-
Loved wife, she kept hunting you down like a mad witch
& as you tried to escape, the book turned to a jade bracelet
& Dropped to the ground & broke into pieces, but to your
Great relief, she was never able to catch you red-
Handed, nor did your husband sit up to protest while i
Watched with schadenfreude, on the other side of night
I __ U, E Says: for LL
This is too weak a word, but I do
Lurf, loave, luff or
Looove U, with the first & foremost
L as in life per se, the first & foremost
O as in ownership, the first & foremost
V as in victory, and the first & foremost
E as in essence, with
Each & every letter
Capitalized exactly like
I, like U, like E
Neighbor’s Garden: for LL
Each time I step out
Of my door, I wish to
Relocate my neighbor’s
Garden into my own
Backyard, or simply
Sabotage it to deflate
My deeply rooted envy
Yesterday, at twilight
I proposed to switch
Our houses like some others
Doing their wives
Or husbands
Just for a night
For a change
For fun
For a feel of
Ownership of
The grass that
Is always
Greener on
The other side
Of my fence
Gathering: for LL
Sitting at the every table
Is a rearranged array
Of familiar shapes of
Strange bodies (or
Strange shapes of
Familiar bodies)
Silhouetting boisterously
Against night. Reflecting
From the glass are
Different colors of your
Friends’ voices speaking
From disparate distances
One from Vancouver, another
From Jingzhou, a third from
Melbourne. When the party
Ends in the midnight
They’ll all withdraw into
Ghostly existences, some-
Where as far away from
The present as from
This spot of being
Like one of your whims
Bubbling only to break
Reverie: for LL
Gushing
Out of his
Frame of
Selfhood
& flowing
Into her
Innermost
Lake
His missing for her
Kept splashing
Along
The wild
Stream
Of last night
Until it
Joins her
At dawn
Like a waterfall
In Insomnia: for LL
In this
Expansive
Moment of
Post-midnight
There are all
The muted
Sounds of
Thought
Hauling
An indefinitely
Prolonged
Trail of feel
Like a train
Running with
Endless cars
On a rail
Stretching afar
Beyond
The morning glow
Tender in Between: for LL
As night
Falls
Can day
Catch it
From the other
Side of
This world?
Meanwhile
The broken heart
Is being
Caressed by
All the fingers
Of starlight
As tender as
Illuminating
Relay of Love: for LL
Living on the opposite sides of
The world, we take turns to go
To bed, each waking up
To become part of the other
In the same dream, even
About the same moment
Day & night
Though, alas, on different beds
In different time zones
For LL: Having Missed U
On my way
To Dao
I was so
Constantly
Held up
In my dream
Of U
Of me
Of us
As to become
Two quanta
Long lost
But as entangled
As ever
Blue Sky Dream: for ll
Behind the dance with no choreography
I see the gracious steps and movements
Of your shapely figure in tune with
An ascending spirit, where bees swarm
Into the spotlight as if to collect notes
Shaken off from your melody, and swirls
Sweeping through the grassland as if
To emulate your postures in the distance
Beyond the horizon
It’s not my imagination
But in the dance I do see you painting a picture
With all the smoothness, tenderness and grace
Of your body in the heart of light
As in the spotlight of my dream
In This Antlike Moment : for ll
Where the Atlantic and the Pacific
Meet
Where yin and yang
run into each other
Where a fallen leaf is blown up and
flies like a bird
Where she reveals
her fair and shapely shoulders to you
Where a pile of scrambled words
assemble themselves into a line
Where an ant tries to cross a crack
in the cemented pavement
Where you hide the fragments
of a collaged photo of you two
Where he enters to make love
while she is talking dirty with you
Now is the moment in which
to set your selfhood in mindfulness
Double Nesting: for ll
You are a bird, always in search of a nest
(An open cage?), where your body & soul
Can both come down to perch for the cold
And long night, no matter how far or high
You’ve been flying during the day
Yes, just as her vagina is the nest of your
Penis, her love is that of your soul
Thrust & Smell: for ll
Just as every woman is fond of the feel
Of a man’s thrust, so may every man
Of a woman’s smell in lovemaking
With my peculiarly sharp nose, I
Sense a light fragrance from your body
As from your personality, a unique smell
That I can tell with both my inner & outer
Eyes fully covered, even with my breath
Held; whereas you can feel the rhythm
Of my masculine thrust, the momentum
Of my innermost being, even when
You are video-chatting with me from
The other side of this world, can’t you?
Smellprint
My nose may not necessarily be sharper
Than any other man, but I can smell you out
Among millions even with my eyes
Fully covered with the darkest moment
Of last night.
It’s my soul, they say, that’s
Recognized you as my love in my previous
Life, via this fragrance only I can identify
What I Love Most about Her: for ll
I can never tell
What I love most about her, though
I’ve been trying hard to pinpoint:
It’s her shiny personality, beautiful
Looks, elegant manners or sexual
Intelligence, a voices tells me and
Her alike, but my heart keeps denying
Such findings as it becomes more
Smitten with her. Or maybe it’s all just
A story about her unfolding to me
Alone? These months we’ve been video-
Chatting every day across the pacific
And the pandemic. Like a true story, the
Same old one I’m hoping to tell about
How she must have been my wife in
Our previous life, how her present life
Is entangled with mine without our
Knowing it, and how she is karmaed to
Be my mate in the eternity of futures. Isn’t it
A true story about how I need her, something
I have created for my ego to deal with
All my own complexes?
Spiritual Derailment: for ll
Deep from a Platonic cave, she moved
Slowly as she fumbles her way with her bare
Hands, touching a protruding rock here
And avoiding a dead lane there. She heard
My voice only vaguely at first but soon found
My calls too loud, too frequent.
Coming closer to the shape of this poem, she
Feels herself being constantly dragged back
By the invisible fingers of her perfect husband
Walking three steps forward slowly, but two steps
Back quickly, before she got hold of the long line
Extended from this stanza to guide her along
She hesitates long before she ties her inner being
With it. Then she keeps stumbling over my diction
Until the moment she steps out of the cave, where
She finds herself standing right in the spotlight of
My heart, where she becomes my central metaphor
Romance: for ll
Every relationship starts with an encounter
Between two meteorites
As they shoot aimlessly in the vast
Space (where speed becomes irrelevant in
Time). Destined. Karmaed. An expansive
Story told in a dialect that no
One can hear with their naked ears
Except you. And you alone. What do you
Love about me baby? (Or what made thee?)
Neither reason nor feel can
Pinpoint exactly. What led you to the
Same youth station in Mayuhe? What
Made you give me a tuner only to take
It back and thus create a lifelong delusional
Love interest on my part? What transforms
Our misunderstanding, a meaningless
Gesture long forgotten, into true affections? A
Case of faking it till making it?
Anyway, our
Faithfulness to our hearts has made us both
Infidel to our innocent spouses in spirit
As in body. So, I am to blame for writing
This story while you prefer painting a picture?
Tested Positive Finally: for ll
Don’t worry, Honey, my love is way
More effective than any vaccination
You can get.
A single shot from my
Heart will destroy all the devil viruses
Attacking your whole being, inside out
I Miss You; Therefore, I Am
(another periodic sentence for ll)
I am thinking of you being awake all the time
I am thinking of you being awake, all the time
I am thinking of you, being awake all the time
I am, thinking of you being awake all the time
For ll: The Highest Manifestation of a Man’s Love
For a woman is to
present his soul totally
Naked in front of her, just as I’ve done
With my inner being
to you, peeling
Off all my masks, eradicated each and
Every identity I’ve ever had, telling you
My most shameful secrets
confessing my
Most evil deeds, disclosing my most
Contemptible whims
as if you’re my
Eva before you gave me the fucking fruit
For ll: The Highest Manifestation of a Woman’s Love
For a man is to
offer him her own body
Without covering any parts, to the public or
In privacy, just as you did
allowing me to
Appreciate your corporeal beauty inside out
Inch by inch, with my eyes
tongue, nose
Fingers besides my heart, ready to accept me
As I keep invading your feel
with all
My synapses of love at each depth
until I claim every bit of your being
Spring Attachment: for ll
At the first sight of
cherry flowers blooming
Against the chilliest moment of last season
I fell in love with spring, again (as I’ve done
With you), where I can
Expect to enjoy your
Warmth of summer, your abundance of
Autumn before another winter sets in, which
We know would be
as cold as death, but which
Would freeze our love for a posthumous life
Stars Or Quanta: forll
I thought we were two
Stars that would never collide
Within each other’s light
(In this world)
However
According to new science
We are actually two
Quanta, deeply entangled
Even until after our death
(In a parallel universe)
Living by Watching Pictures: forll
She cherishes a cheerful heart
All the time, looking & feeling like a generation
Younger than me. Why she hasn’t aged a day
For the past forty years is all because of her son
She explained.
Mom, you should really
Live by looking at your life as selfies, viewing
Them selectively from your album, where every
Photo was shot from the best angle at a happy
Moment; if you keep watching it like a movie, you
Would see it nonstop, in every detail, as close-ups
Full of dullness, as if in slow motion, he told her
When he was still a tenth grader. So she does
Physiognomy: To My First Crush ll
For the first twenty years of your life, your facial
Features were all that you’re born with, a
Bio-collage of your parents’ genes, but
For the rest of your life, they were a picture
Progressively drawn with your thought patterns
Living habits, personality traits & life experiences
The most faithful expression of whatever you’ve
Internalized.
So, the moment I saw you, I knew
You’d been living a happy & healthy life until
Retirement. What I say is, I fell in love with you
Again (during our encounter after half a century of
Separation), not because of your good looks, but
Because of your inner features that are stunning
Purgatory: A Note to Mike Lee
You know I love my husband, but
You don’t know how much I also
Love you!
Tortured by a split heart
I wonder if mine has to be a broken one
Or, maybe, by putting the two halves
Together, I can somehow make my
Suffering soul into a larger whole? [2023, 4, 10 9:00pm]
Rain Sparrow: for ll
Above this wild wild world covered
With layers and layers and layers
Of red dust, my selfhood
Has long been tired
Tired of flying
Flying alone
Day & night
But where can I perch?
Do I have a nest at all?
O for a solid
Respite before
Continuing my lonely
Flight, snuggling my inner-
Most being in the heart of your
Soul, and settling my weathered body
Right at the A-spot of your tenderness
The Tuner: a 50-Word Story
In the mid-teens
You gave me a tuner
In Mayuhe, which I’ve
Treasured as a love-token
For five decades (when
We remained totally
Lost to each other
On Earth’s opposite sides)
Until now after horizontal
Refreshments you clarify
You had just meant to help
Set the tune for my erhu
Mayuhe Revisited: a 50-Word Romance
Behind the shadow
Of this tall pine
I left all my dreams
About your face &
Smiles for a bright
Future (with a rosier
Romance) ahead, but
Only to return here
Five decades later
To join you in body
As in spirit, from
The opposite sides
Of that wild world
Love Deplorably Delayed
It is not really
About sex, but for all my
Passions overfilled
With blood
My bloated
Selfhood can never
Become hard
Enough
For a solid penetration
Even with the help
Of the best Viagra
Even though
Both your
Body & heart
Are more than
Ready
To welcome me
Inside out
Following My Heart
Is it myself I’m trying to catch up with? Or is
Time retreating from here, second by second
With each cloud I’m flying over?
Driven as if
By my longing, the plane flashes
Across the Pacific to land where you are
Waiting amidst flowers, all blooming
Against our heartbeats
To join you in body is to join
Myself in spirit as each petal accounts
For the moment missed between our moves
How I Long
To perch Like a rain sparrow
To sleep Like a real log
To dream Like a summer dewdrop
Within your dark mum Blooming against night
As my entire being Dissolves down there [as of june 15, 2023]
Super Senses for Virtual Love
I cannot swim as fast as a sailfish
But my thought can penetrate your body in not time
I cannot see circular polarized light like a mantis
But I can see your faintest innermost smile
I cannot recognize every odor from my environment
Like an elephant, but I can discern your natural scent
My tongue has much fewer taste-sensitive cells than
A catfish, but I know how sweet your air kisses are
My ears are not as sharp as a cat’s
But I can hear the muted melody of your femininity
My Love vs Your Love: for ll
My love for you is a summer sun
Yours for me is an autumn moon
My love is a call in the valley
Yours is an echo through mists
My love is a heartless onion
Yours is a splashing loach
My love is redder than a red rose
Yours is bluer than a blue dream
Love for the Rest of My Life: for ll
Well before our reencounter
In early October of 2019, I’d written
(& published) poetry in every form
(Or non-form), belonging to every
Sub-genre (or non-genre), about
Everything (or nothing)
Except love
Not because I was incapable, but
Because I’d been deprived of it
Until I was finally inspired by you, &
Since then, I’ve become disabled to
Write about anything else in my poetry
(& even fiction)
But you, & you alone
I Know What You Are: for ll
Not everyone is capable of deep love
& those who are often fail to find it
Whereas few are really equipped
To articulate their depths in need as
In deed. But I am capable, lucky &
Articulate at the same time, & that’s
Why my love is redder than a red rose
At an old age, I’ve learned not to care who
I really am, but I’ve recognized you as my
Only opportunity to love a woman from
The heart of my soul & write love poetry
I Write; Therefore, I Am
How I wished to find meaning in life
Like everyone else, always busy
Trying to make some sense out of
Their small existences. By making
A name. By striking rich. Or by gaining
Power in an office, but alas, they’re all
Ethereal, even if they
Could change the shape of this world
The true meaning of life, if any at all
Is to create one out of it; for instance
By writing and loving. In fact, by
Living & writing about my life, I’m
Living twice & will attain immortality
What I say is, to write is to live
Not only in this moment but to live for ever
As writing offers traceable permanence
Eternalizing & transcending the idea of time
Though the words are subject to editing
Misunderstanding; to accidental deletion
To permanent loss during transmission
As to fire & water, no matter whether they
Are printed in paper or stored in cyberspace
Emotional Curiosity: for ll
I’ve forgotten where I came from
Nor do I care where I am going
But I wonder who I am, especially
Why every cell in my innermost
Being revolves around the thought
Of you, like stars in the Milk Way
Like every galaxy that keeps
Moving towards the Great Attractor
Sexual/Spiritual Paradox: for LL
Better hard than long, even better
Thick than hard, you might want to say
As you become ready to catch
The most powerful thrust of
A man’s love for a woman on earth
But alas, shortened with age, softened
By a whole variety of hardships &
Thinned with physio-psychological wear
My penis is my soul that needs as much
Tenderness as encouragement to settle well
In your vulva, my ultimate nest, ever so cozy
Inscript: for LL
Slowly, carefully, between your ravishing breasts
Let me accomplish this first & only poem
Ever tattooed on the (fairest & cleanest!) skin
Of a woman, with all the synapses of my love all
Focused at a ball pen, like a thinned but hardened penis
Alternative Longevity: for LL
Just as Wang Lun, the richest guy in the world’s
Greatest dynasty has outlived his name in history
Since he bribed Li Po with tons of rare & valuable
Goods over a thousand years ago, thus inspiring
The great high Tang poet to mention his gifts
In an immortal line
So you are the only Chinese
Woman who’s found your way into foreign poetry
Much “Like a love letter into its envelop,” without
Even making an empty promise.
You don’t speak
A single English word, nor have you ever
Bothered to read any stanzas in our mother tongue
But now you’re in full display in a museum of love
I’ve built with the words of the imperial language
Twilight Love: for LL
Whose last days won’t be full of pain? Who may
See the rainbow only after all the storms?
When I open my eyes and can no longer
Find my way ahead, you will be the light guiding
Me through the darkest moments of the long night
Just as I, hopefully, will give you some warmth
In the coldest hours of next winter, until we die
Monument/Epitaph: for LL
[Inscribed with a fountain-pen
Between the breasts of a woman]
Lover of HQH, who’s inspired
The creation of more than
One hundred love poems
A trilogy besides dozens
Of short stories
1957 -2039
Highest Romance: for LL
Rather than a
Long line
Of poetry
Scribbled
Between
Two killing
Breasts of
A woman
Totally naked
This is my
Deep love
Embossed
On your heart
The Most Romantic: for LL
All people in love
Yearn for a high
Romance, but few
Know the most
Romantic thing
For a lover to do
Is to give a gift
That no other
Human being
In the whole world
Can really afford
Again, Twilight Love: for LL
My wandering innerself
Finally joins you
In flesh as in spirit
A fully completed soul
Ready to be shared now
(Between two bodies
Shrunk in both ways)
Right in the heart of feel
When it’s difficult
If not really entirely
Impossible, to grab
Our sexuality like
The tail of a beast
Plodding heavily away
Soulmelting: for LL
The moment I inject
All my selfhoods
Into your flesh
My soul dissolves
Into the moisture
Of your love
Like a snowflake
Falling into a hot spring
Feel of Sexual Love: for LL
Finally, I’ve become
One and the same
With you in body &
In spirit, but how come
I cannot hear my
Own heart beats?
What has happened
To my ears? Even
Your laughter is not
Sound, but sweet
Light, while your
Touch in not feel
But a fragrant taste
Just as your smile
Is not look, but a
Tender atmosphere
As all my senses
Start to malfunction
I know I’ve lost
My entire selfhood
As deep in character
As in synesthesia
Gardening: for LL
With my rusty flesh spade
I try digging deep in my
Private garden, where I
Hope to sow the seed of
My proto selfhood right
At your G-spot, where it
Would one day grow into
Another earthly Yggdrasil
Finnegan’s Wake: for LL
It’s in this moment when I
Cannot help letting out
A cry in ecstatic agony
From the heart of my soul
That I have at last attained
My total loss of body & soul
A momentary feel to be
Immortalized only by death
The Joy of Talking: for LL
We could never stop talking
Just couldn’t really get
Enough of it. Or couldn’t
Get enough of each other
So, let’s keep talking about
Everything (or nothing)
As if it were love per se
As if it were more soul-
Melting than having sex
After all, we’ve joined each
Other completely inside
Out across the Pacific
And the Pandemic like
Two deeply entangled quanta
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: for ll
Your inner being is so full of sunlight
Every flower that catches sight of you
Begins to bloom against the season
Just as each face that turns towards you
Bursts into a smile when you pass by
Lingua Franco: for ll
With words gushing out of
My innermost being, by following
The syntax of the superpower’s language
I have built an ethereal monument of
Immortality, a universal museum of
The human heart, where the most
Treasured mainstay is my thought of you
The Counting of My Remaining Days: for ll
Even if from January to December
I have only twelve days to live, even
If from Monday to Sunday I have
Only seven days to function, or even
If from Spring to Winter I have only
Four days to breathe, my heart will
Keep pumping blood to every vessel
To nourish every cell at my synapses
So I can feel you for the last three
Days: yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Family within Family: for ll
Within your extended family is
Your nuclear one, neither of them
Has to do with me, and vice versa
But between your husband and my
Wife is our deep family, registered
Within our innermost space, where
We sleep in different beds across
The Pacific, but cherish the same
wish as we make out in our e.home
[as of april 1, 2024. no publication records available yet for recent poems]
