Saturday, 24 August 2013

Snakeland: Changming's Daily Ordeal

as there are several crisis situations in my personal life that are all taking place at the same time, i have been experiencing perhaps the very most difficult time in my entire life, which started towards the end of june. while there is no simple, easy or fast solution to any of them, i am suffering both physically and psychologically in an unbearable way - today i am beginning to receive acupuncturist treatment, drink traditional chinese herbal medication, and take ativan or lorazepam pills to fight against acute stress disorder. (my own diagnosis is ischemia-based cardiac neurosis, which my family doctor said she had no idea of). overwhelmed with the fear of personal/family safety as well as with financial, physical and psychological hardships, i feel extremely nervous, especially when talking, even with a friendly acquaintance. but for the past couple of weeks,  i have been dealing with lawyers, government officials, police officers, accountants, realtors, insurance representatives, in addition to half a dozen of individuals concerned. the only good thing about what has been going on in my recent life is that i have come to realize this:

i am (perhaps we are all)  living in a snakeland, where there are as much blue sky, golden sunlight, fresh air as many smiles or good-looking human figures as cobras, mambas, taipans, adders, kraits and vipers...

as before, i will survive eventually, as all this is becoming bygone with every passing minute. after all this, i will write more poetry about such daily ordeal; and begin to write my novel, long conceived, tentatively entitled home leaving.

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